The Palm and the Water
MELBOURNE, FL #Soul … and Constantly Explaining Yourself Syndrome
I think I need an elevator speech, a 10 second blurb on how I see things differently than most. I could use it to remind friends and family of my bizarre thoughts and actions and to explain myself when meeting new people.
Something along the lines of…
I see myself as an eternal being who comes back again and again. I try my best to live this way.
Obviously this is only a partial truth—as Radiance I experience my self as Light/Love, as Emptiness as a boundless vastness, as Mystical Oneness as a movement between these states—but from a practical sense, the Eternal quality is the most visible to the general population. It is what sets my values (things that are important to me) apart from others… and these odd (to most) values are what inspire my odd (to most) actions and opinions.
The thought above was inspired because, after watching the season finale of Survivor last night (I love that show), I told Mom that I wouldn’t be by in the morning (I often have breakfast and dinner with her). When I awoke this morning—knowing I had the morning free to do as I wish—I did not feel the typical pre-contraction, a kind of anticipated contraction when foreseeing having to explain myself.
While I knew I was going to be around people (Panera Bread for breakfast and coffee), I knew I wasn’t going to have to explain my opinions to Mom about whatever was happening on the news or what was going on in my mind or what problems she was concerned about.
This Constantly Explaining Yourself Syndrome has nothing to do with Mom, but is—I suspect—a condition that affects practically all deeply spiritual people when in conversation with others.
The CEY Syndrome seems to occur because what is important to most people (Mortal level stuff) isn’t particularly important to the Mystic, but, what is important to the Mystic (Eternal and Radiance stuff in particular) seems odd and mysterious—interesting and worth talking about—to most other people.
Normally, when two people have vastly different values, they just don’t converse (think a racist and a minority, or a fundamentalist and an atheist), but when it comes to a Mystic, you have everything in common with them: The recognized Mortal stuff plus a whole lot of other vague-but-interesting stuff (living forever and selfless Love). Stuff that they are only intuitively aware of, but are aware of and curious of nonetheless. Because of our shared basic nature (we all have Mortal qualities and flaws), you have plenty to converse about (news, appointments, dinner plans, …) but the Mystic’s Eternal quality (the most visible) and its big-picture-perspective-of-events, leads to the Constantly Explaining Yourself Syndrome.
So I think the elevator speech—in this case acting as a reminder—may help here….
I feel deep pain—personal pain—for the murder of all those Pakistani children, but I also know they are free of the tumultuous and violent life they seemed destined to live and can now choose another.
Which is still too complex, damn it, because it implies and leads to deeper conversations of all the deeper levels that I instantly feel and understand but are so very very hard to explain (the Syndrome). This is the same knowledge and meaning everyone intuitively knows in their hearts but can’t explain in their minds and so they naturally look to the Mystic (who seems to have it all figured out) to explain it to them.
Shit. Maybe the Constantly Explaining Yourself Syndrome is just a fact of life for the Mystic. Maybe we’re doomed to it. I know it’s one of the big reasons I seek solitude so much.
Maybe we’re doomed to it. I know it’s one of the big reasons I seek solitude so much.
Maybe the Constantly Explaining Yourself Syndrome is the reason I feel so compelled to write a book on this stuff… on the Mystic’s perspective. To explain myself and be done with it.
(Not a bad title either, The Mystic’s Perspective).