Uncharted Waters

Uncharted Waters

MELBOURNE, FL — #FourthWall #Emptiness #NoSelf #Radiance #Surrender

January 29, 2015 8:11 AM

From some of his comments and assertive emails, I had expected him to be a Fundamental Nondualist—a man who rationalized “enlightenment” and was determined to point out all the errors of my ways—but I was pleasantly surprised when we met up at a local Panera Bread and Dave began relating events from his past—one synchronistic event after another—and arriving at the same conclusion that I had: that synchronicity implies God.

Dave is more stable, more advanced in the Emptiness quality than I—the vastness taking center-stage in his awareness. He reminded me of the mysterious Jed McKenna with his rational, determined approach. Even Dave’s methodology is similar to McKenna’s: to throw yourself into understanding something—to immerse yourself in it—until you arrive at its deepest core truth (“if A then B and B leads to C and C means …”).

Unlike McKenna though, Dave is far more humble. Full of yang, active, determined energy, yes, but he’s not stuck on himself as McKenna is. I suspect this is due more to Dave’s understanding of the Divine—of the implications of the Divine—than to his original, birth nature.

He said he had a message for me, apologetically though, as he knew how pompous that sounded, yet still feeling driven to tell me—to go out of his way to meet me and tell me. But I’m far more comfortable with these situations—-when the interests of the mind conflict with Her whispers—so I fully understood.

He got all serious and he told me his message—but after he told me, I promptly forgot it. This is a common quality of Shadow information—that the conscious mind rejects what it isn’t ready to hear—and because both he and Michelle and I have each been hit with Shadow material recently, I suspect there are layers within it that I’m not ready for.

I wrote him back this morning, asking him to restate it. His message, word-for-word:

Her vast unactualized knowing with no agenda and the world “because” of her, an entangled ball of light.

[Fourth Wall]: I suspect that this message isn’t just for me, so I present it above verbatim.

In a powerful vision he had (similar to mine a few months after my initial awakening), he related how—struggling with the new-found powers of almost miraculous manifestation (wish fulfillment) that comes from this level of development—he asked Her what She wanted from him and She laughed (at his arrogance?) and said, “I created you,” and kicked him “out of the womb.”

[Fourth Wall]: I struggled with this Messiah Complex too for a few months after awakening, subtly still do I suppose, but I expect everyone who gets to this level does—when whatever you wish for practically always and magically appears.

I take his message combined with his vision to mean (though I’m not sure I agree with it, but this is Dave’s story, so I’ll relate it) that She doesn’t need us to do Her bidding, that She is fully capable of handling things all on Her own thank-you very much, and maybe I (Wayne) need to re-examine my assumption that there is an express purpose for me (from his comments above of no agenda and being laughed at).

Dave doesn’t blog because he say’s he has a hard time articulating his thoughts and experiences. Because there was so much to relate in so little time (he knows everything about me, but I knew next to nothing about him), he dumped a lot of information on me and I could very well be completely wrong on his point.

Oddly enough, what I did hear loud and clear, was a recurring theme of trust. Trust that She’s got the back of anyone who is willing to surrender to Her. Trust that, though we may never fully understand Her will or intentions, that She’s got our best long term interests at heart as long as we’re willing to get out of Her way (surrender control).

Not surprisingly, as I was composing this post, I received another email from Dave:

I feel if you believe you may suffer in some future circumstance that may well come to pass. If you Trust that you won’t you won’t. You will never be able to let go of that pole if you don’t trust.

[Fourth Wall]: The pole he was referring to was from my vision: Where I held onto a vertical pole (like a fireman’s sliding pole) as I stepped into a column of Light (Her). My entire body was vaporized completely—all but the hand that tightly gripped the pole. I have long regretted that I was too afraid to let go and dissolve fully and absolutely into Her… and that I have never had the opportunity to be “tested” again since then.

As it was getting time to depart, and as it had happened with ErikI/She/We gave Dave some unsolicited advice: To open his heart more, not to explain himself (as the rational is wont to do), but to love others through actions. (The focus on Emptiness bypasses many of the joys of Radiance, and without Love—Love manifest in the world—what’s the point of all this wisdom?) I/She/We could feel his resistance and I (the Wayne-thing) felt uncomfortable with offering it, but Dave sent the following email later in the evening:

Yep. Great insight. I have been very guarded with the love. I knew that and am careful with it because I cry whenever I go there. Almost a sadness.

For the lack of love in the world and when I see it, I miss it and I cry. Not that I am not loved, I have much support in my life, but love itself. I am going to open up a bit and see if I can go there without walking around with a box of tissues. Thanks.

[Fourth Wall]: Before you go thinking Dave’s some wussy milquetoast, he’s an ex-merchant marine with a tough sounding Massachusetts accent.

And then this email, which I found far more rewarding (his wife is not in to this stuff):

Wife came home and sat beside me.

First words out of her mouth, “You seem different.” So out of character for her to say that. I will roll with it.

As I said, Dave’s more advanced than I am in the Emptiness quality—but in Radiance? Not a chance.

At least, not yet. 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Dave

  1. Yep, that about sums it up. One thing though.
    She didn’t create me. She said I was “because” of her as is the world. She doesn’t really handle anything either she just is. The entangled relations of the world interact and they are because of her also.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. More than once, during deep Vipassana meditation, “I” have melted away. The sensation of complete surrender is blissful. Something, ego?, has always grabbed me back. I always give her my gratitude for allowing me to experience her, no matter how briefly.

  3. Surrender and trust have been a reoccurring theme in my present journey. 🙂 I just received your book in the mail. I ordered it after seeing a blog post of yours about not being sure if you even wanted Adyashanti’s version of “no self” although it was probably bound to happen anyway. Your words could be my own, and I suppose they are.

  4. I would like to clarify a few things and finish this off if you will. First off, the whole crying thing I thought was funny sort of making fun of myself. No sobbing here, just a welling up of emotion and maybe a tear or two 🙂 as far as being in her present for me it was analogous to a mother holding an infant in her arms. If that infant asked the mother ” How can I help you”. It was that sort of laughter. More of a “isn’t that cute ” No help needed silly, You are because of me. it was my choice to be in the world with the understanding that whatever I chose to do would be because of her also. When I left she showed me what the world was beginning with a slight glow of a pixel of light cascading connection by connection until…I was in the world.I have been content now with that for years living in the” because world” with her in the background.I now realize thanks to you Wayne, she has been knocking on the door for years with the welling of emotion that would surface which I would suppress. I was keeping love at bay. I now know she is not in the background but right here with me, in me and around me.to have her so close is very comforting and I hope to expand on that.
    Thanks again.
    There is no anger in Her anger and a simplicity in Her love.

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