I realized this morning that I have very little desire. This may sound horrible, but in reality, the experience of it is quite peaceful.
It’s not a mental thing, or game or philosophy. It’s reality. It’s what I experience. It’s peaceful and calm and still below all those waves of desire.
Lots of good stuff comes from desire (babies, works of art, commerce), but desire is also the source of all abuse and intentional violence. Yin and yang.
Reading that again and thinking of “me” as a movement, I guess I should say (and more importantly think) that I/self mostly radiate outward more than I/self contract inward.
Desire seems to comes from the inward movement of consciousness, the Dark Archetype, the me-thing.
This is not an either/or concept though. Not black or white. More like a percentage thing. Shades of grey.
Less of the Dark means more of the Light.
And vice versa.
… insight …
The me-thing contraction occurs because of desire.
I should #Remember this.
Continuing on the insight that desire causes the contraction…
In Zen, they often try to quiet the mind in order to realize enlightenment. This is back-assward. The quiet mind (relatively speaking) comes as a result of enlightenment—the still(er) mind is a symptom of enlightenment.
Ending or stilling desire won’t lead to Radiance or an outward flow of consciousness—fewer desires are a symptom of Radiance—so it is futile to try to still desires.
Desires naturally quiet and still as we shift from the Darker me-thing (inward flow) to the Lighter Radiant movement (outward flowing Love/Light).
But the benefit of realizing that the me-thing contraction is caused by desire is that when we feel the contraction, we can use it as a reminder of what we are desiring or clinging to right that second.
A perfect example just occurred (of course): Right this second I am sitting in a little room in a Panera Bread and apparently this is used by regulars as a sort of office. A couple of these regulars are talking loudly back and forth across the room and I’m feeling contracted and hard.
The contraction tells me that “I” am moving inward because I desire them to respect my presence here and be quiet (me-me-me-me-ME). Recognizing this, I can consciously shift to the outward flowing movement and their loud conversation no longer bothers me.
I did not try to release or quiet or overcome the desire (I’m not “wrestling with my demons”), I simply shifted the “me” flow of consciousness from inward contraction to outward Radiance and the desire (and me-contraction) naturally faded.
It’s not much, but it’s certainly evidence that supports what I wrote in the entry above:
- The me-thing occurs because of desire
- Shifting the direction of consciousness (from inward to outward) eases desire/suffering
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