How To Overcome Any Negative Emotion

The Loneliness of the Bardo

The Loneliness of the Bardo

OUTSIDE DODGE CITY, KS — #MiracleLog #MyLove #Radiance #Remember #Technique

April 14, 2015 7:48 AM

I had tried every technique that I had offered to others: See the loneliness as “other,” as not-you; See the loneliness like a cloud that coats you; See the loneliness as something negative and how sucky it makes you feel and drop it because you don’t need it anymore.

And yet, I went to bed still feeling lonely.

How can I help others—authentically help them—if I can’t help myself?

I fell asleep, and in my sleep She came to me and lay with me and she whispered sweet Truths through the long, dark night and when I awoke, I washed the tears of gratitude from my face and I wrote…


In Zen, you peel away your identity like an onion. If you can see it, it isn’t you, so you can peel away that layer and drop it. This is the essence of Emptiness and the main focus of most nondual teachers. What you find, when all layers have been peeled away is… nothing: Emptiness.

I did that last night, and yes, loneliness is just something I experience, something that was not “me.” But so what? I (whatever that is) still felt lonely.

And in the night She whispered, “Yes. But now peel away the layers of your emotions.”

I’m lonely.


Because Michelle and I connected so deeply during my visit that I miss communing with her—being in her physical presence.

But that’s too clunky, to wordy, too unique to me. I need to simplify this so it works for every negative emotion, so it works for everybody:

I love [X] but [some crappy stuff].

I love Michelle, but she’s not here.

That’s why I’m lonely.

(Note to the curious: The love I have for Michelle is not a physical or romantic love. It is the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced: It is a deeply spiritual love—not of a god or ideal, but of another Soul.)

I love X (Michelle), but crappy stuff (she’s not here).

Does that make me feel less lonely? Hell no. Kind of makes it worse actually.

Peel away a layer.

I love [X]. Period.

I love Michelle.

Better, but immediately my mind whisper-shouts, BUT SHE’S NOT HERE!

Peel away another layer.

I love. Period.

Oooookaaayy. Better, but kind of… empty.

And this is the key, this is the insight, this is what She whispered:

Now SEND that love toward [X].

I love… (thinking of Michelle and feeling that love flow toward her).

Do you see?

The core of our identity is Emptiness.

The core of our being, of our lived experience is LOVE moving (Radiance).


I feel love (outward flowing love) toward Michelle.

That’s the experience. That’s the feel. That’s the flow of our core nature: Love moving outward.

“I’m lonely because I miss Michelle,” becomes “I love (… Michelle).”

I’m angry at Ringo. (Why?) I love Ringo but he was a real jerk to me. I love Ringo Period (but he was a real jerk to me). I LOVE (love flowing outward … Ringo).


It is often said that at our core, we are Love, but that’s too cerebral for me—that’s too much like theory (the smart have their books). The lived experience is the feeling of Love flowing as our core (the wise have their scars).

At our core, we are the movement of Love.


The key to overcoming any negative emotion, is to FEEL that outward flowing Love, the radiant Love we are at our core.

Like in all spirituality—in spiritual growth—all we are doing is shifting perspective. Instead of focusing on all the crappy stuff, we’re shifting our perspective, our focus, on what is the source of the “swirling” in the first place: I love X. And “I love anything” is a wonderful feeling.

Some examples from my personal life:

I love Dad but I only felt he loved me when I was perfect.

I LOVE (… Dad).

I loved my sister Tracy but she was always angry at me and that would make me mad at her.

I LOVE (… Tracy).

I hated that bully Lance. (Why?) Because he embarrassed me. I love the image I project of myself but that bully Lance made me look weak.

I LOVE (… the image I project of myself).

I love my freedom (me-me-me), but it has such an expensive emotional cost.


(… Me).

Like This? Buy the Book...

A Mystic's Journal
Purchase A Mystic's Journal on Amazon

6 thoughts on “How To Overcome Any Negative Emotion

  1. Perhaps that is the “problem”, we think loneliness and so we manifest it in our mind’s reality. Drop all u’r techniques and preconceptions about the “L” word, it’s neither positive nor negative – just a natural state of being, there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with it. So u feel lonely, we are all social creatures yearning to connect with source thru “others” and feeling loneliness or an other emotion is just an experience of physicality in this dimension. Why else would you be here? That’s part of the journey, accept it.
    Love is one aspect, but what if you go beyond “LOVE” and drop it, then what? Beyond “love and hate”, “emptiness” and “radiance” – then what? Beyond objectivity, or subjectivity, is it real or not?
    EVERYTHING IN AND OF ITSELF IS COMPLETE JUST THE WAY IT IS, WITH OR WITHOUT “YOU”. The awakened “you” is just witnessing and reflecting from another (conscious) perspective. The blessing is in the realization. <3

  2. Hello Wayne,

    I’m from Brazil (I hope you forgive any misspellings, despite of google translate) and also an spiritual seeker, in the lack of another appropriate therm. I’ve been following your journal frequently and I’m amazed to read your reports because It’s very close to (or even the same) the path I’m following! It matches exactly with my beliefs (even knowing that there isn’t an “I” in the way we/the mind guess). Moreover it’s amazing to know that there are other seekers following this same path. Even though each one have its own path, because this kind of guide it’s a lot helpful.
    Maybe I can say I’m still in the beginning of the journey since I’m still the phase of trying to convince myself that I’m a soul living in the body referenced by the name of Vicente Cruz, even knowing (stricted to the mind) that we are all one, we are consciousness, etc, etc (yes, I’m also have coming from an non-dual “study”, Ramana Maharshi, J. Krishnamurti, Osho, etc, etc, although nowadays I’m clinging a little to the Shamanism search – Carlos Castañeda, etc).
    I’m about to finish the reading of your “The Implications of the Soul” book and almost had to buy a Kindle to read your “Fading Toward Enlightenment” (then I discovered that I just need to download a Kindle Reader Software) and let me express my gratitude: your teachings, map, guidance (posts, books, videos, etc) are helping me A LOT! Thank you.

    About your today post, I guess I can cooperate with your method of overcoming bad feelings and be aware that in source we are Love Flowing, if you allow me. If I’m not wrong, this kind of expression pattern “I love [X] but [some crappy stuff]” remembers me a pattern:
    “X but Y” where X is something I want (to love, to leave work, etc) and Y is something preventing me to achieve X. For instance, using your example (again, if I may): “I love Michelle, but she’s not here”. (X = I love Michelle, Y = she’s not here).
    If it makes sense to you, “Michelle not being here” avoids “me” to love her (love “even more” in the way you mean: by the soul), so it is possible to rewrite it as follows: “I love Michelle, but I can’t love Michelle because she is not here”, which brings another pattern: X, but not X because Y.
    Please, don’t take me wrong (even more because of the spiritual state you are now), but the point here is to get more responsibility about the acts we want to achieve and overcome [some crappy stuff] or [Y] more easily and get [X] in a whole. This pattern can be challenged by asking to ourselves (or to someone that says this pattern to us): “So, if not [Y], then [X]?” or “So, if Michelle were here, I could love her?” which may help us brings more responsibility about our wishes and achieve it.
    I’ve learned this and other useful expressing patterns by reading some Neuro-Linguistics Books, more precisely: The Structure of Magic, by John Grinder and Richard Bandler (no, I’m not trying to sell anything neither receiving comission, but maybe it can be of some help reading it :D).
    Sorry to be extending to much, but I just “felt pushed” to give this little contribution. If it makes sense to you, great! Other wise, just want to thank you and motivate even more your work (even knowing that you have a HER BIG GUIDE to your side) :D. It is really helpful.
    By the way, maybe use the breathwork to record past life and convince myself even more as my next step to the spiritual growth .

    Be with TaoGodHer, and hugs!

    Vicente Cruz

  3. This may be the most profound insight you have ever shared. You have given us the perfect example of how to deconstruct an emotion. You have shown how the mind creates an emotion by translating an experience of pure being (Love) into a negative sensation (want to be…) attached to a thought (…with X but crappy stuff). The thought stimulates stress hormones that generate more negative sensation which triggers more thought….and then… loneliness that lasts all day.

    But your skill as a mystic allowed you to see that the negative sensation (I love Michelle) was really, originally (I Love). Once you reconnected with that truth, it was possible to drop (“peel away”) the thought component “but she’s not here” (crappy stuff).

    HERE IS YOUR GOLDEN INSIGHT: Dropping the thought component of an emotion leaves you with a feeling of emptiness (the mind’s reaction to the EMPTINESS quality). Most of us would feel that and retreat back into the negative emotion. But you have shown that the only way out is through. You invoked the RADIANCE quality when you felt the emptiness and thus were able to PROJECT the original Love (outward flowing love rather than inward clutching at what your thoughts said you want). This broke the cycle of thought-sensation and disintegrated the negative emotion.


  4. Well stated Rob, by rationally deconstructing the mental aspects of emotions, we can “drop” or break through that thought/feeling and remember our original quality of Radiance (what Zen refers to as our original face). We are all light beings experiencing a physical reality, and it’s pure magic when we live in love! Wayne’s love for Michelle is magical, and eternal. Thru mystical connection, Wayne helps us all by revealing our original face. No polarity, only different aspects of oneness. Nice job spreading the light! ♥

Leave a Comment