April 14, 2015 7:48 AM
I had tried every technique that I had offered to others: See the loneliness as “other,” as not-you; See the loneliness like a cloud that coats you; See the loneliness as something negative and how sucky it makes you feel and drop it because you don’t need it anymore.
And yet, I went to bed still feeling lonely.
How can I help others—authentically help them—if I can’t help myself?
I fell asleep, and in my sleep She came to me and lay with me and she whispered sweet Truths through the long, dark night and when I awoke, I washed the tears of gratitude from my face and I wrote…
In Zen, you peel away your identity like an onion. If you can see it, it isn’t you, so you can peel away that layer and drop it. This is the essence of Emptiness and the main focus of most nondual teachers. What you find, when all layers have been peeled away is… nothing: Emptiness.
I did that last night, and yes, loneliness is just something I experience, something that was not “me.” But so what? I (whatever that is) still felt lonely.
And in the night She whispered, “Yes. But now peel away the layers of your emotions.”
Because Michelle and I connected so deeply during my visit that I miss communing with her—being in her physical presence.
But that’s too clunky, to wordy, too unique to me. I need to simplify this so it works for every negative emotion, so it works for everybody:
I love [X] but [some crappy stuff].
I love Michelle, but she’s not here.
That’s why I’m lonely.
(Note to the curious: The love I have for Michelle is not a physical or romantic love. It is the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced: It is a deeply spiritual love—not of a god or ideal, but of another Soul.)
I love X (Michelle), but crappy stuff (she’s not here).
Does that make me feel less lonely? Hell no. Kind of makes it worse actually.
Peel away a layer.
I love [X]. Period.
I love Michelle.
Better, but immediately my mind whisper-shouts, BUT SHE’S NOT HERE!
Peel away another layer.
I love. Period.
Oooookaaayy. Better, but kind of… empty.
And this is the key, this is the insight, this is what She whispered:
Now SEND that love toward [X].
I love… (thinking of Michelle and feeling that love flow toward her).
Do you see?
The core of our identity is Emptiness.
The core of our being, of our lived experience is LOVE moving (Radiance).
I feel love (outward flowing love) toward Michelle.
That’s the experience. That’s the feel. That’s the flow of our core nature: Love moving outward.
“I’m lonely because I miss Michelle,” becomes “I love (… Michelle).”
I’m angry at Ringo. (Why?) I love Ringo but he was a real jerk to me. I love Ringo Period (but he was a real jerk to me). I LOVE (love flowing outward … Ringo).
It is often said that at our core, we are Love, but that’s too cerebral for me—that’s too much like theory (the smart have their books). The lived experience is the feeling of Love flowing as our core (the wise have their scars).
At our core, we are the movement of Love.
The key to overcoming any negative emotion, is to FEEL that outward flowing Love, the radiant Love we are at our core.
Like in all spirituality—in spiritual growth—all we are doing is shifting perspective. Instead of focusing on all the crappy stuff, we’re shifting our perspective, our focus, on what is the source of the “swirling” in the first place: I love X. And “I love anything” is a wonderful feeling.
Some examples from my personal life:
I love Dad but I only felt he loved me when I was perfect.
I LOVE (… Dad).
I loved my sister Tracy but she was always angry at me and that would make me mad at her.
I LOVE (… Tracy).
I hated that bully Lance. (Why?) Because he embarrassed me. I love the image I project of myself but that bully Lance made me look weak.
I LOVE (… the image I project of myself).
I love my freedom (me-me-me), but it has such an expensive emotional cost.
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