My plan is to write or record entries for this journal in real-time (in either Ulysses or my phone’s voice recorder) then clean them up the next morning just prior to uploading them to the site. As I was adding links to yesterday’s post, I “coincidentally” (and I see powerful synchronicities such as this as evidence of TaoGodHer) stumbled across an old post called The Beloved from way back in 2010, less than six months after my awakening experience. The synchronicity, the evidence that I am on the right track, was the video at the bottom of that post (previously mentioned) Leona Lewis singing I See You in Avatar.
If you take that song, not as a song between two people, but a song of a devotee to their God, then it takes on a much deeper meaning.
Every morning I receive an email to renew my Vow of NonAbuse. I have my profile set this way because I like to be reminded of how I wish to be. I think I’ll set a little daily reminder for myself to also watch that video, I See You, since really, that too is how I wish to be.
We all need reminders. As I wrote to reader Phil this morning on a powerful spiritual experience he had:
But, and this is something I tell Michelle all the time: Don’t expect this to be a permanent experience (who can stay focused on one thing all their life?), but expect it to flow in and out of awareness. The less you hold onto it—ironically—the more stable it becomes.
Who can stay focused on one thing all their life? I sure as hell can’t. Which is why I need the reminders.
Crap. I had thought to hold off on announcing this journaling project for a week (to better get the kinks worked out and be very, very sure I wanted to actually go forward with it), but when I uploaded yesterdays post a few minutes ago, it was immediately shared on Facebook and Google+ (via a WordPress plugin). Not my intention, but I see these sort of things as Her intention, so… so there it is.
Walking down a dusty road, lost in thought but with that Avatar song playing in my head, I—completely beyond my control—turned left toward my rig and immediately felt a sharp, piercing sting on my big toe and looked down and saw I had stepped on a thorn which had gone right through my flip-flop just as Leona sang “I see you….”
Lost in thoughts. Sharp pain…
I see you.
I stopped and I smiled and as I pulled out the thorn, I pulled out my thoughts and I pulled out the portal/self-contraction and I saw Her everywhere—I felt Her everywhere…
And it was beautiful and I felt blessed.
I see you.
A thorn in the toe to distract me from my thoughts and immerse me in the Divine. As I said above just two hours ago: I need these little reminders.
Note: The “completely beyond my control” thing occurs most often when the less there is of you inside provides space for TaoGodHer to fill in the gaps. Though I have numerous examples of this on my blog (this is a good one), you can see my student Michelle’s first public posting of a similar experience here. These experiences, this interactive intimacy with the Divine, is why I so often say,
The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.
Oy. I just received this email from Michelle:
@your new blog…why do you expect to be dead in two years? Are you serious? Is it the money situation? An exercise in surrender?
I guess I had hoped to simply imply my intentions and be done with it, but I guessed wrong. Here’s the deal: When I run out of money, I’m offing myself.
There, that wasn’t so bad. And don’t go calling someone to have me committed either, or I’ll have to stop posting where my camps are.
I often find it funny that practically everyone I cross paths with, whether physically or virtually, has a higher regard for my life than I do.
I live. I die. I merge with Her. I get pulled out. I swear to do whatever it takes to merge with Her once again, and I come back. (See my book The Implications of the Soul).
I’ve done this a thousand times and will probably have to do it a thousand more before I get it right. It’s no big deal.
The Dalai Lama, who’s also big on reincarnation, once remarked on his inevitable demise,
I’m kind of looking forward to death. I want to see how I do.
My sentiments exactly. I’m in no hurry, but I’m not going to put up much of a fight either.
The contemplation of death though, is a key aspect of this phase of my life—of this practice. To really let go of the self—to truly merge with Her—you have to truly not care if you live or die. You have to let go of even the attachment to life.
Using my bank balance as an indicator of my time remaining on this planet is what I call The Gas Gauge of Life (or of Death depending on what I’m focusing on at the time). It was a key factor in my initial awakening. Why? Because I had given up. I had realized I was almost out of time and I gave up on trying to find enlightenment, when Bam! within days I met my Frog Master and the rest is history.
I recently quit my freelance programming position and, when NonAbusers met so much resistance with my readers, I pretty much said, “I’m done.” Meaning, “I’m done working. I’m done trying to convince anyone of my viewpoint. I’m done trying to make a difference. I’m done trying to extend my life. I am done.”
And dropping all those self-imposed burdens felt goooood.
It was eye-opening.
It led directly to the creation of this Journal.
As I said in the Introduction, I’ve got about two years of funds socked away, so there’s no imminent danger of this journal just suddenly coming to an end (though it might, even you don’t have as long to live as you probably hope).
So don’t worry. Two years is a long time for things to go right.
Important Note: DO NOT off yourself because of depression! There are plenty of resources to help with this. Depression is temporary and treatable. So get help, feel better and get on with your life. What I’m talking about above are quality of life issues—a whole different animal.
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