Already I am experiencing the benefits of this surrender—this practice. Every time I have a me-thought—a thought of self concern—I feel the contraction, the hardness, the darkness of “me.”
And in feeling the contraction, it reminds me and I surrender the me-worries and I’m immersed in Her being… in the Everything.
This immersion is such a wonderful and freeing experience in comparison to the me-thing with its doubts and self-concerns.
Whoever desires to be given everything, must first give everything away.
Oops. I posted yesterday’s journal entry to my old blog which of course immediately sent emails of it, so when I posted to the new site it sent another duplicate email. Sorry about yesterday’s double posting.
What the duplex personality (such a clunky phrase) often feels like is almost identical to what a long-term relationship feels like internally. You no longer are just one person, you are a person-plus. Practically every decision you make involves the other person even if it is just in your head or heart. You take your lover into consideration in almost everything you do or plan. Even though they may not be physically present, you hear their voice and feedback constantly in your thoughts.
See? I’m not so strange.
I moved camp 20 miles to the east. Not much of a travel day, but I wanted to re-visit a camp I stayed at about a year and a half ago. Who knows, maybe I’ll never see it again.
The other day reader, Shawna commented that at Dad’s age, “you never know when it may be the last time you see them.” For years, whenever I say goodbye, I like to keep that thought present, that I may never see this person again. Sounds morbid, but it makes clear just how temporary this mortal shell is, and not to take it for granted.
And speaking of death, while driving up the rugged dirt road to my new camp, I came across a snake lying in the road. Since he didn’t move as I rolled up to him, I thought he was dead, but on closer inspection he was just lethargic from last night’s cold temperatures. I snapped his portrait and left him to tan in peace.
Reader Carmen had recently asked about surrender (as in going with the flow of life) and my need for isolation. These are really a couple different things. What I mean by surrender is the surrender of my self-concern. When I surrender in this way, life tends to flow along wonderfully—as if the Divine Herself is guiding things. I see this “if surrender then flow” pattern as more evidence of Her existence.
But surrender doesn’t have anything to do with isolation. I love solitude and I use it to strengthen my practice. I feel that in order to grow spiritually, solitude is very useful since it allows us to acquire new skills without the distraction of having to explain ourselves to others.
On the other hand, social interaction is very important to help us integrate these new skills and reveal our weaknesses and attachments (spiritual knots).
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