November 22, 2014

Desolation at Dawn

Desolation at Dawn

HEREFORD, TX #Remember #Surrender  #MiracleLog … and a missed whisper

6:43 AM

I awoke on a vast empty plain of utter nothingness. The overcast sky in the pre-dawn light matched my mood of despondence. What a failure I am. I have completely failed at making a living on the spiritual path: I’ve failed in my teaching. I’ve failed at inspiring. I’ve failed in my writing.

The vast nothingness of the desert plain reflected these thoughts and filled me with despair.

But as my mind cleared from the grogginess of sleep, I saw through the key false assumption of these dark, depressing thoughts just as the sun crested the horizon.

Every one of these thoughts is about a false me-thing. A me-thing made completely of illusions. Made completely of thoughts.

Every one of them is about results stemming from self-concern.

With a clear mind, I let all those thoughts drop into the nothingness, pulled away the self-contraction and expanded… and saw the Present for what it really was: a beautiful dawn of a new day.

11:49 AM

I drove a long, boring stretch to Clovis, NM to do some wash. I was surprised to see the laundromat largely empty on a Saturday.

On the drive here, I thought about how the trying in my life often leads to discontent. While the desire for a better life is key in growth, and the desire to express one’s creativity is key to a sense of worthiness, the attachment to results—the trying—is a key to suffering. I want to remember this.

Another thing I want to remember, and I practiced this on the drive, is to see Her in all living things. As I wrote in Fading Toward Enlightenment:

We had been One, but now no more, my weakness – simple desire. By wanting more, we split in two. I the Ego and She the World. I apart from She.

Or as Leona Lewis sang:

I live through you and you through me.

2:10 PM

I had lunch at a Mexican restaurant that had great reviews online. The waitress brought me the wrong order, a smaller, lighter fare. Without thinking, I said this isn’t what I ordered and she said, “Oh! I don’t know why I brought you this.”

Like a fool I didn’t listen to Her whisper because when the meal I ordered arrived it was tasteless and heavy and left me feeling a little ill.

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6 thoughts on “November 22, 2014

  1. It makes so much sense to me that the meal was unsatisfying,,,a fllow out of the mornings first thoughts,,,which flow from resolving to die when the money flow stops. Death is seductive and compelling. Yet it starts robbing us of satisfaction way before it takes our bodies.
    I speak as one who removed the coffin inside her head once upon a time.

  2. Self doubt is a theif who steals our peace, and I am sorry he paid you a visit. He’s a world traveler, believe me. Our destinations have a lot to do with how we perceive ourselves and considering the reason for your trip back to Florida………….
    Mexican food and Chinese food have some very common ground. When it’s bad, it’s really bad, but when it’s good, and flavorful, and authentic it is out of the world.
    Hope your day got better.

  3. Wayne, you touched my life once strongly and so helped me to discover the path further.

    I see no failure.

    Sometimes it’s so wonderfull to feel sad…..and then the sun comes out.

  4. This new blog is much more humane and truthful. it is as if you had put aside the role of teacher and what remains is “only” a man. Wayne I thank you for your ability to get in the game.

  5. I, too, will think about all the stupid things I have done and think “I’m an IDIOT!” But now, when I catch myself, I just sink into awareness, expand into vast nothingness and it all falls away. I am a much calmer, patient driver these days…hehehe. Haven’t got to the point of hearing the whispers yet though, figure it will come on its own sweet time.

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