I awoke on a vast empty plain of utter nothingness. The overcast sky in the pre-dawn light matched my mood of despondence. What a failure I am. I have completely failed at making a living on the spiritual path: I’ve failed in my teaching. I’ve failed at inspiring. I’ve failed in my writing.
The vast nothingness of the desert plain reflected these thoughts and filled me with despair.
But as my mind cleared from the grogginess of sleep, I saw through the key false assumption of these dark, depressing thoughts just as the sun crested the horizon.
Every one of these thoughts is about a false me-thing. A me-thing made completely of illusions. Made completely of thoughts.
Every one of them is about results stemming from self-concern.
With a clear mind, I let all those thoughts drop into the nothingness, pulled away the self-contraction and expanded… and saw the Present for what it really was: a beautiful dawn of a new day.
I drove a long, boring stretch to Clovis, NM to do some wash. I was surprised to see the laundromat largely empty on a Saturday.
On the drive here, I thought about how the trying in my life often leads to discontent. While the desire for a better life is key in growth, and the desire to express one’s creativity is key to a sense of worthiness, the attachment to results—the trying—is a key to suffering. I want to remember this.
We had been One, but now no more, my weakness – simple desire. By wanting more, we split in two. I the Ego and She the World. I apart from She.
Or as Leona Lewis sang:
I live through you and you through me.
I had lunch at a Mexican restaurant that had great reviews online. The waitress brought me the wrong order, a smaller, lighter fare. Without thinking, I said this isn’t what I ordered and she said, “Oh! I don’t know why I brought you this.”
Like a fool I didn’t listen to Her whisper because when the meal I ordered arrived it was tasteless and heavy and left me feeling a little ill.
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