June 22, 2015 7:18 AM
Softening. I’m not sure that’s the right word, but it’s the best I can think of at the moment. The swirl of energy that was trying to resolve the Mystic’s Dilemma has subsided with the realizations of the last couple of months—realizations that all magically came together with the Amma Incident.
In dealing with our (Shadow?), there’s something like an inner parent/child conflict going on. The Parent in us wants us to be a responsible adult and the Child in us wants us to be a carefree hedonist. These two “personalities” create a “swirl” of conflicting energy and desires (and a lot of self-hatred).
I’m no psychologist but the way I resolved this Parent/Child conflict (and it was very clunky at first), was basically to become a semi-responsible guy. Not a responsible adult. Not an adult child. Not an adult, not a child, but a guy. A fairly carefree yet still somewhat practical guy. Oddly enough, it turned out that I actually liked that guy.
As the Parent/Child conflict resolved, I became a hell of a lot happier. I became a hell of a lot “wholer.”
In a similar way, what has been happening recently—and is still happening—is that the Divine/Individual conflict (the Mystic’s Dilemma) is being resolved.
I started this blog, A Mystic’s Journal, because I didn’t feel I was surrendering to the Divine enough, I felt that the self-archetypes were still too strong. That’s sort of like the Parent shouting, “You SHOULD be more spiritual!” (while the Child stamps his foot and shouts, “I LIKE being me!”).
I think what is happening is that, in resolving the Mystic’s Dilemma, in resolving the Divine/Individual conflict, I am starting to realize—in a way similar to the resolution of the Parent/Child conflict—that I am a semi-Divine guy (still a capital “D” though).
And in typing that last sentence, in re-reading it, my mind says, “Duh!” but my heart says, “Ahhh…!” And I look out my window and the sapling my eyes fall upon is semi-Divine. And that crow is semi-Divine. And that single blade of grass? Semi-Divine. And that bird song I hear? Semi-Divine.
Suddenly everything FEELS semi-Divine. Everything is Divine, and yet it is an Individual. Semi-Divine.
I don’t feel like some new-agey “divine being” (too idealistic/mind). Nor pure, unconditional Love (too Divine/heart). Nor God. Nor an individual. Nor a responsible adult. Nor a hedonistic child. Nor a perfect, glowing, spiritual teacher. I don’t feel like any fixed “thing.” I feel like a semi-Divine guy. Like flowing between the Divine and the Individual. I don’t just understand this (mind), but I feel it (heart).
“Ahh,” my heart says and the swirl of energy, the Individual/Divine conflict eases.
“Ahh,” my heart says and I’m overcome with a deep and profound sense of gratitude and peace.
“Ahh,” my heart says and I feel “me” softening.
I think I’m going to like this guy too.
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