January 18, 2015 8:16 AM
I read over yesterday’s post and part of me was embarrassed. Not because I don’t believe it, but because some deeply embedded self-image conditioning (whatever that thing is that cares about what others think of us)—some primal archetype—would twitch, “Now you look like some whoo whoo idiot, you idiot.”
But then I saw myself detaching from this body in death and looking down at it and thinking, “Does any of the Wayne-stuff matter to you now? Concern for Wayne? Wayne’s self image? Wayne’s trying or goals or hopes or actions?”
Not. One. Bit.
Eternal me could care less about the Wayne-thing’s imaginary problems.
This simple shift in perspective, from this primal Self archetype (the Wayne-thing) to Eternal me, released the embarrassment and filled me with an expansive and joyful feeling of “I don’t care.”
Not “I don’t care about other people or nature or the world”—not apathy—but a wonderful “I don’t care about this silly Wayne-thing. I don’t care what the damn Wayne-thing feels.” (Damn is the right word, as the Wayne-thing feels like an unwanted burden—like something that steals the freedom and carefree nature of the me-that-lies-behind-all-this.)
The feeling of freedom felt from the deep shift from archetypical self (it’s deeper than the personal self)—from this Wayne-thing to the Eternal me—is almost as profound as stepping through the Gateless Gate. Freedom from self-concern, from self-image, from ambition, from striving, from trying, even from survival. An overwhelming, fear-inspired psychic weight is dropped.
It is the contemplation of death—visualizing your body dying and you-as-a-Soul detaching from it—that frees us from self-concern. It frees us from attachment to all this worldly stuff.
Note 1: This feels quite different—more powerful—than my pre-awakened days of living as a Soul. I don’t know why yet. Maybe it’s because the Wayne-thing no longer grips me like it use to when it was my identity (personal self). Dunno.
Note 2: I don’t think this is a permanent shift, more like a recognition of the archetype of Mortal Self. I fully expect conditioning to pull me back toward it often. Practice, Wayne. Practice, practice, practice.