Freedom From Self Concern

Old Self

Old Self

MELBOURNE, FL#Soul #Death #Remember #Technique

January 18, 2015 8:16 AM

I read over yesterday’s post and part of me was embarrassed. Not because I don’t believe it, but because some deeply embedded self-image conditioning (whatever that thing is that cares about what others think of us)—some primal archetype—would twitch, “Now you look like some whoo whoo idiot, you idiot.”

But then I saw myself detaching from this body in death and looking down at it and thinking, “Does any of the Wayne-stuff matter to you now? Concern for Wayne? Wayne’s self image? Wayne’s trying or goals or hopes or actions?”

Not. One. Bit.

Eternal me could care less about the Wayne-thing’s imaginary problems.
This simple shift in perspective, from this primal Self archetype (the Wayne-thing) to Eternal me, released the embarrassment and filled me with an expansive and joyful feeling of “I don’t care.”

Not “I don’t care about other people or nature or the world”—not apathy—but a wonderful “I don’t care about this silly Wayne-thing. I don’t care what the damn Wayne-thing feels.” (Damn is the right word, as the Wayne-thing feels like an unwanted burden—like something that steals the freedom and carefree nature of the me-that-lies-behind-all-this.)

The feeling of freedom felt from the deep shift from archetypical self (it’s deeper than the personal self)—from this Wayne-thing to the Eternal me—is almost as profound as stepping through the Gateless Gate. Freedom from self-concern, from self-image, from ambition, from striving, from trying, even from survival. An overwhelming, fear-inspired psychic weight is dropped.

It is the contemplation of death—visualizing your body dying and you-as-a-Soul detaching from it—that frees us from self-concern. It frees us from attachment to all this worldly stuff.

Note 1: This feels quite different—more powerful—than my pre-awakened days of living as a Soul. I don’t know why yet. Maybe it’s because the Wayne-thing no longer grips me like it use to when it was my identity (personal self). Dunno.

Note 2: I don’t think this is a permanent shift, more like a recognition of the archetype of Mortal Self. I fully expect conditioning to pull me back toward it often. Practice, Wayne. Practice, practice, practice.

Foreshadowing

Once Overlooked. Now Seen.

Once Overlooked. Now Seen.

MELBOURNE, FL#Death

January 17, 2015 1:16 PM

(Keep in mind this is a personal journal.)

I stumbled upon a little memorial stone in the park this afternoon—a stone that I had never noticed before—and I took it as a sign to say what I’ve been thinking since I began this journal.

A prediction:

90% of the world’s population will be dead in less than 2 years.

I don’t suspect this just because of the Gas Gauge of Death (though given my “luck” it wouldn’t surprise me), I suspect it… well, just because I do.

Obviously I’m not 100% certain of this because then I wouldn’t be writing an ebook. After all, the great Digital Realm as we know it would die out with the rest of technology.

Still, I’ve got this nagging feeling (50-70% odds right now) that this prediction could be true—that She’s as disenchanted with Mankind as I am.

Nor would I be so stupid as to name a specific date for this event to start and/or end (December 7, 2016), but maybe—on the book—I’ll print a hardcopy or two.

(Given people’s odd aversion to Death, I doubt this post will get many “Likes” on Facebook.)

The Great Motivator

Writing In Ulysses

Writing In Ulysses

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #Writing

January 15, 2015 2:28 PM

I wish I could find some practice that would make death real for others. Recognizing you’ll be dead soon is a great motivator.

What if you were 90% certain you’d be dead in two years. What would you do differently?

One of the results of that thought is motivating me to write—I want to get Mystical Oneness done before I die.

So this morning, I worked on the new book, and in doing so, found myself changing the layout of the folders in Ulysses to make it easier to outline, organize and write.

I created three levels of folders/documents:

  • Level 1 (folder) is for the Parts of the book (Part I: What Is Mystical Oneness, Part II: The Eternal Quality, Part III: The Radiant Quality, …)
  • Level 2 (subfolder) is for the Chapters inside the Parts
  • Level 3 (individual documents) is for the Topics inside the Chapters

I’m putting each topic in a separate document (called a sheet in Ulysses). This allows me to easily set a word count goal (around 500 words) per topic and helps to keep things short and sweet since I sometimes tend to run on and on.

Short and sweet not only makes it easier for the reader to digest and understand the topics, but it makes it a hell of a lot easier for me to stay on track and write about them.

Doubts

Gazing Off Into The Distance

Gazing Off Into The Distance

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MyLove #Soul #Surrender

January 9, 2015 12:23 AM

I spent most of the morning just sitting in the park.

After the recent insight stormI feel both directionless and in doubtIs the book on Mystical Oneness what I should be doing with my last days? Is it going to be any more effective at spreading my message (Divine is real. You live forever. Less of you = more of Her…) than all the books and blogging I’ve been writing and sharing over the last 10 years (ie: practically zero)? Should I change direction? Should I throw in the Towel of Trying and just drift away into the sunset? (Quite frankly, after watching Wild yesterday, that last option has a lot of appeal.)

I even scanned through 100 People Who Changed The World for some inspiration, but didn’t get inspired. The exercise felt both grandiose and futile.

Maybe society isn’t ready for my message. Maybe what I have to say isn’t interesting enough, or tangible enough, or practical enough. Maybe there’s too much noise in the world to be heard over all the din. Maybe my message is too embarrassing for my readers to share.

What should I do with my time remaining?

I guess I just need to wait. Wait for Her whispers. Wait for some direction.

That, or just drift.

Evidence of the Soul. Shadow Material. Three Things To Remember.

Two Trees

Two Trees

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MiracleLog #Remember #Soul

01/05/2015 12:51 PM

Reader Robert, who’s a professor in his college’s department of medicine, sent me a photocopy of a magazine article by Dr. Jeffrey Long (a medical doctor), which led me to Long’s book on near death experiences (NDEs): Evidence of the Afterlife.

Long presents nine “lines of evidence” (common patterns) found in NDEs which make for some very compelling evidence that the Soul is, ironically, a fact of Life.

I’m a big fan of evidence—and evidence that says we live forever…? Well who doesn’t love that?

An odd thing that struck me right in the beginning of the book—a description of the Life Review process: It seems the purpose of the review isn’t about what happened to us as much as it is about how our actions affected others (not me-me-me, but us-us-us).

It surprised me how hard this struck me and I immediately thought of how I am often accused of being too sure of myselftoo assertive—and this hard attitude often puts the listener/reader on the defensive. It’s this “cocky hard edge” quality that feels distinctly unspiritual to me. A shadow trait no doubt. (Not surprisinglyMichelle is dealing with some serious shadow issues at the moment also.)

That hard edge of mine (assertiveness) is the Dark Archetype of self-centeredness/self-protection/self-concern embedded deep in my psyche—the elimination of which is a key reason I started this journal. That self-righteous little bastard’s a pain in my butt and I want him outta here, dammit!

Having a shadow trait brought to light—and seeing it for what it is—is very, very useful for spiritual growth and ultimately integration. In this case, integrating knowledge and wisdom WITH compassion and empathy. I want to #Remember this: To be constantly aware of how my words and actions are affecting others.

2:59 PM

As I read the last two paragraphs, it appears they are contradictory—one says I want to be rid of self-stuff (self-concern, etc.), the other says I need to integrate it.

Yet both of these statements seem true. They feel true—and since they were written spontaneously, this indicates She was involved in their writing. (Mystic or nut-job? You decide.)

[Thinking. Waiting.]

It’s the Paradox again. The self—even this damn primal, repressed, shadow self—seems to be an illusion that arises from taking the Separation side of the Paradox too seriously.

Both Oneness and Separation (archetypes) are equally true, but taking the Separation personally and seriously—as a me-identity (it’s me therefore it’s important therefore I take it seriously)—is what leads to self-concern, et al..

So what I’m saying in the second-to-last paragraph above is that I want to rid my ???… conditioning, from taking the self/Separation side so seriously.

I want to #Remember this: The self arises from taking the Separation too seriously.

[Insight]

The Paradox…. Separate AND One….

To surrender to the Divine (the goal of this phase of my life) isn’t to merge with Her (lose and deny the Separate), but—just like two lovers in the throes of passion—it is to make love to Her: To flow with, dance with, and embrace Her. To be separate AND one with Her.

I want to #Remember this: To live as if you are in an intimate relationship with God (I know they’re going to burn me at the stake, I just know it).

01/03/2015: The Witness of Forever

Seagulls Awhirl

Seagulls Awhirl

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #Soul #MyLove

9:24 AM

As I fell asleep last night, I wondered where I’d go when I dreamed.

In the dream, I was there, but all my memories were gone.

In the dream, I recognized my brother, but had no memory of my mother.

In the dream, I was the Witness to the whirlwind of the mind/dream.

In the dream, I felt the same as I do outside the dream.

In the dream, I had the same values.

In the dream, I was the same “me.”

Every dream I’ve ever had was like this. The whirlwind is different—just as it is in waking life—but I-as-the-still-point-in-the-center-of-the-storm am always the same. I am always the same.

I suspect it’s like this for everyone.

I’m certain that when this body dies, I-as-the-still-point will continue on. Just like in a dream. Just like in the waking state.

And just like in the dream, when I take on a new life, I’ll have no memories of my mother (or brother or anyone else from this life)… but I will still be the same. I’ll still have the same values. I’ll still feel like me.

I am the still point in the center of the ever changing Tao.

I am the Witness of Forever.

Everyone is.

The whirlwinds are different, the center of our storms are located in different places, but we’re all the same—a still point amidst the ever changing Tao.

We’re all Witnesses of Forever.

At the center of our whirlwinds, we are all the eyes of TaoGodHer perceiving Herself.

12/23/2014: Mental Conditioning and Near Death Experiences

A Foggy Morning Outside My Home

A Foggy Morning Outside My Home

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #Emptiness #Journaling #Soul

6:54 AM

I awoke and gazed out the window to a foggy morning. I was content (as I expect most people are on first awakening) and before my mind could kick in, I searched the present moment: The softness of the sheets; The cool air on my exposed skin; The street light illuminating the fog; The stiffness of muscles idle too long.

Soon though, my mind kicked in with questions of the future: Where should I go today? What should I do? Where will I eat?

And the Present was lost.

8:37 AM

I’ve read that as we age—as we adopt habitual thinking patterns—physical grooves form in the brain as a result of those thinking habits.

Our thought patterns are physically etched into our brain.

No wonder it is so hard to change our thought processes—to change:

I wish the famous enlightened teachers blogged about their personal lives and thoughts. I’m sure it would help dispel the mythologies of instant enlightenment, abiding nondual awareness, and permanent bliss.

Spiritual transparency doesn’t sell very well, but it would be a huge benefit for serious spiritual seekers.

9:03 AM

Last night, Mom was telling me of how my cousin Donna had died recently and had been revived. I asked if Donna had any recollection of the experience, but she did not.

I was then hit with this powerful insight:

If only a few people experience near death experiences (NDEs), then this evidence discredits pretty much all scientific explanations which state that the experience of a tunnel and light is just the results of chemical reactions in a dying brain.

Discredits.

Why? Basic scientific method: A theory must be supported by repeatable scientific experiments that produce consistent results.

If everyone who died and was revived saw the light and the tunnel, then that would support the “chemical reactions” theory—but everyone doesn’t experience these visions.

My father died and didn’t experience anything. Donna (above) died and didn’t experience anything. But, and this is even better evidence, a guy I met in New Mexico a couple years ago told me he had died twice (and was revived obviously). I asked him if he experienced anything during those episodes and after pushing through his hesitancy, he said on the first one he did not, but on the second one he did.

My theory (and this is supported by a huge collection of evidence) is that when we die, we-as-a-Soul detach from these bodies—but it is a mistake to assume that this detachment happens right away (as in the case of people who don’t experience any “visions”). The “Soul-detachment” may happen later. According to some Tibetan death rituals, it could be days later. (From the above article: “A person can remain in this state of lucid vacuity for up to three days”.)

My point: If NDEs were the result of chemical reactions in the brain as a result of a lack of oxygen (as is the case of almost all death/revivals), then everyone should experience the visions. The experiment must be repeatable and produce consistent results, and in the case of these scientific “explanations,” the results are not consistent, ergo their theory is flawed.

I may be a mystic, but I’m a rational one.


Note: Here’s an article that states that NDEs are a result of neural chemical reactions in the dying brain. This is the key sentence:

The team found several signs of conscious activity in all nine of the dying rats’ brains.

All nine of the rats produced the same results. All of them. That’s sound scientific evidence—but further up in the article it says:

In fact, some estimates say that almost 20 percent of people who survive cardiac arrest — where blood effectively stops flowing and the brain becomes starved of the oxygen it needs — report such near-death experiences.

Only 20% of people who had these types of deaths (simulated in the rat experiment) experienced NDEs.

That is not consistent with the results of the experiment. According to their theory, everyone should experience NDEs since all of the rats had these neural chemical reactions. This means that for people, it shouldn’t be just the 20% who do experience the visions, but also the other 80% who don’t.

This scientific “explanation” does not match the real-world data (and I know of no experiments that do).

December 10, 2014

Behind The Projection Room Door

Behind The Projection Room Door

MELBOURNE, FL #Technique #Death #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #NoSelf … and the wisdom of complete and utter failure.

8:38 AM

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

The Eternal Loving Awareness… I know that this is what I am—what everyone is—but how do you take it from knowing to being?

I’m not interested in theories—I’ve heard them all. I’m interested in evidence.

What evidence do I have? What experiences have changed my being in the past?

(thinking)

(thinking)

My initial awakening.

Though I knew everything I needed to know (“You are just thoughts. If you can experience it, it isn’t you.”) it didn’t become a part of my being until…

(thinking)

(thinking)

… until I gave everything I had (“I’ll sit here until that damn frog moves.”)…

… and I failed.

(“How can the frog sit so peacefully for so long and I can’t? The frog has no thoughts. What are these thoughts that are driving me crazy? What am I but a bunch of thoughts? …”)

The lived experience and the failure made the theories real (“I am not these thoughts. Thoughts are just noise inside of me. ‘Wayne Wirs’ is just a bunch of inner noise.”).

The scars of the failure (“The smart have their books, the wise have their scars.”) changed my very being.

(Re-reading what I just wrote.)

Dare I say, the emotional scars of my failure? I was on the Gas Gauge of Death. I was going to kill myself in a few months. I was giving it my all to get as far as I could in this life in preparation for my next and I still failed.

My failure (failure at finding enlightenment, failure at even beating a stupid frog at a meditation challenge) was a huge blow to my ego.

It broke me.

That failure, that blow to my ego, shattered the ‘Wayne Wirs’ story—the personal self. It destroyed the belief that I was my history, my past, my roles (“I am such a smart guy”) and my thoughts (“I know it all”). That failure destroyed “me” and it humbled what was left. That failure broke me.

So back to the original questions:

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

What I knowI am the Eternal (Soul) Loving (Radiance) Awareness (Emptiness).

I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.

  1. I must constantly remember this. “I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.” I must meditate on it. I must repeat it and contemplate it constantly until the thought becomes embedded into my subconsciousness like the song I See You is stuck in my head.
  2. I must constantly apply it. I must attempt to live as the Eternal Loving Awareness… No. That’s wrong—I must not attempt to be it, I must reveal it. While going about my day-to-day life, I must be consistently aware of what I am—and have always been as far back as I can remember—the constant and unchanged thing that I really am: The Eternal Loving Awareness1.
  3. and I must learn from my failures (scars). Why did I fail? What is it that is pulling me away from the Eternal (“constant and unchanging…”) Loving Awareness (“…thing that I really am”)?

How do I change my heart? How do I change my very being?

The answer, ironically, is that I must break what is already broken—what is already flawed: I must break the me-thing.

The smart have their books and the wise have their scars and the less there is of identifying with the me-thing the more there is of the Eternal Loving Awareness.


  1. The constant, unchanged thing that I really am, is what Adyashanti calls the eternal still point within you

December 7, 2014

Veronica

Veronica

MELBOURNE, FL #Surrender #Death … and a photo of Veronica

12:17 PM

I was surprised to find that Dad wasn’t staying at home with Mom, but is in a rehab center. I had thought he was just going to rehab on an appointment basis to get his strength back. Spent the remainder of yesterday catching up with Mom on the state of affairs, etc., slept in the van, got organized, and evaluated my travel trailer. Saw Dad this morning and he seemed in a good mental state, though still not able to walk on his own (bad heart valve + 1.5 lungs + pneumonia recovery = weak state). Football today so he’s happy.

Adyashanti mentions in his book that the reason the trials and tribulations phase takes place for the awakened is because we often deal with situations from the Mortal level (out of habit or lack of faith) rather from the Eternal level. I can see this Florida visit is going to be a challenge—not because of a lack of faith, but just because of conditioned (Mortal level) reactions. This is not a bad thing, the challenge will make the Light Archetype stronger and more habitual.

8:32 PM

I’ve about got my Mom convinced that my Gas-Gauge-Of-Death idea makes perfect sense—well, at least the conversations haven’t gone too poorly. It really is an excellent practice: You’ve got about two years left to live and are in near perfect health. What will you do with your time remaining? I only wish there was a way of making Death more real to most spiritual seekers. Isn’t that odd? Our own demise doesn’t seem real enough to warrant a deep investigation.

November 20, 2014

Warming To You

Warming To You

WEST OF SOCORRO, NM #MyLove #Surrender #Death … and the nature of cold snakes

7:09 AM

Already I am experiencing the benefits of this surrender—this practice. Every time I have a me-thought—a thought of self concern—I feel the contraction, the hardness, the darkness of “me.”

And in feeling the contraction, it reminds me and I surrender the me-worries and I’m immersed in Her being… in the Everything.

This immersion is such a wonderful and freeing experience in comparison to the me-thing with its doubts and self-concerns.

Meister Eckhart:

Whoever desires to be given everything, must first give everything away.

7:58 AM

Oops. I posted yesterday’s journal entry to my old blog which of course immediately sent emails of it, so when I posted to the new site it sent another duplicate email. Sorry about yesterday’s double posting.

8:02 AM

What the duplex personality (such a clunky phrase) often feels like is almost identical to what a long-term relationship feels like internally. You no longer are just one person, you are a person-plus. Practically every decision you make involves the other person even if it is just in your head or heart. You take your lover into consideration in almost everything you do or plan. Even though they may not be physically present, you hear their voice and feedback constantly in your thoughts.

See? I’m not so strange.

11:34 AM

I moved camp 20 miles to the east. Not much of a travel day, but I wanted to re-visit a camp I stayed at about a year and a half ago. Who knows, maybe I’ll never see it again.

The other day reader, Shawna commented that at Dad’s age, “you never know when it may be the last time you see them.” For years, whenever I say goodbye, I like to keep that thought present, that I may never see this person again. Sounds morbid, but it makes clear just how temporary this mortal shell is, and not to take it for granted.

And speaking of death, while driving up the rugged dirt road to my new camp, I came across a snake lying in the road. Since he didn’t move as I rolled up to him, I thought he was dead, but on closer inspection he was just lethargic from last night’s cold temperatures. I snapped his portrait and left him to tan in peace.

3:10 PM

Reader Carmen had recently asked about surrender (as in going with the flow of life) and my need for isolation. These are really a couple different things. What I mean by surrender is the surrender of my self-concern. When I surrender in this way, life tends to flow along wonderfully—as if the Divine Herself is guiding things. I see this “if surrender then flow” pattern as more evidence of Her existence.

But surrender doesn’t have anything to do with isolation. I love solitude and I use it to strengthen my practice. I feel that in order to grow spiritually, solitude is very useful since it allows us to acquire new skills without the distraction of having to explain ourselves to others.

On the other hand, social interaction is very important to help us integrate these new skills and reveal our weaknesses and attachments (spiritual knots).