December 10, 2014

Behind The Projection Room Door

Behind The Projection Room Door

MELBOURNE, FL #Technique #Death #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #NoSelf … and the wisdom of complete and utter failure.

8:38 AM

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

The Eternal Loving Awareness… I know that this is what I am—what everyone is—but how do you take it from knowing to being?

I’m not interested in theories—I’ve heard them all. I’m interested in evidence.

What evidence do I have? What experiences have changed my being in the past?



My initial awakening.

Though I knew everything I needed to know (“You are just thoughts. If you can experience it, it isn’t you.”) it didn’t become a part of my being until…



… until I gave everything I had (“I’ll sit here until that damn frog moves.”)…

… and I failed.

(“How can the frog sit so peacefully for so long and I can’t? The frog has no thoughts. What are these thoughts that are driving me crazy? What am I but a bunch of thoughts? …”)

The lived experience and the failure made the theories real (“I am not these thoughts. Thoughts are just noise inside of me. ‘Wayne Wirs’ is just a bunch of inner noise.”).

The scars of the failure (“The smart have their books, the wise have their scars.”) changed my very being.

(Re-reading what I just wrote.)

Dare I say, the emotional scars of my failure? I was on the Gas Gauge of Death. I was going to kill myself in a few months. I was giving it my all to get as far as I could in this life in preparation for my next and I still failed.

My failure (failure at finding enlightenment, failure at even beating a stupid frog at a meditation challenge) was a huge blow to my ego.

It broke me.

That failure, that blow to my ego, shattered the ‘Wayne Wirs’ story—the personal self. It destroyed the belief that I was my history, my past, my roles (“I am such a smart guy”) and my thoughts (“I know it all”). That failure destroyed “me” and it humbled what was left. That failure broke me.

So back to the original questions:

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

What I knowI am the Eternal (Soul) Loving (Radiance) Awareness (Emptiness).

I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.

  1. I must constantly remember this. “I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.” I must meditate on it. I must repeat it and contemplate it constantly until the thought becomes embedded into my subconsciousness like the song I See You is stuck in my head.
  2. I must constantly apply it. I must attempt to live as the Eternal Loving Awareness… No. That’s wrong—I must not attempt to be it, I must reveal it. While going about my day-to-day life, I must be consistently aware of what I am—and have always been as far back as I can remember—the constant and unchanged thing that I really am: The Eternal Loving Awareness1.
  3. and I must learn from my failures (scars). Why did I fail? What is it that is pulling me away from the Eternal (“constant and unchanging…”) Loving Awareness (“…thing that I really am”)?

How do I change my heart? How do I change my very being?

The answer, ironically, is that I must break what is already broken—what is already flawed: I must break the me-thing.

The smart have their books and the wise have their scars and the less there is of identifying with the me-thing the more there is of the Eternal Loving Awareness.

  1. The constant, unchanged thing that I really am, is what Adyashanti calls the eternal still point within you

December 3, 2014

The Boat Ramp

The Boat Ramp

E OF PORT ST JOE, FL #Remember #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #VanDwelling … and what is left when you leave.

6:57 AM

I awoke to this thought, something very simple, but something I often overlook:

  1. Sometimes something appears to happen TO me.
  2. That same something sometimes appears to happen OUTSIDE of me.
  3. That same something sometimes appears to happen INSIDE of me.

#1 feels personal. It happens when I’m caught in the illusion of me. It often causes emotional pain.

#2 and #3 happen when I’m not lost. They are impersonal. They happen from the Witness perspective (#2) or from the boundary-less Emptiness state (#3). Often they happen at the same time.

When I feel #1, when I feel something is happening to me, I want to remember this. I want to use it as a reminder that the “me” is an illusion—that I’m taking the me-thing too seriously.

8:13 AM

It seems that my practice now is similar to what I teach about living as a Soul, but from the other side of awakening. I’m not sure of the difference yet. It feels different—but I’m not sure exactly what the difference is. Maybe it has something to do with knowing I’m eternal (post-awakening) rather than the pre-awakening practice of convincing myself of it through research and playing with it?

It’s similar to the way Radiance feels different between pre- and post-awakening. Pre-awakening Radiance feels like you are the portal (the ego contraction) and the Light is other. Post-awakening Radiance feels like you are the Light and the portal/ego is other.

8:49 AM

Hmm. I was just proof-reading the above. Post-awakened Soul (eternal) + post awakened Radiance (Love/Light) + Emptiness (Self minus me) = The eternal impersonal Love/Light.

It’s not No-Thing as most of today’s nondualists/nihilists would suggest. It’s No-Self.

To live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light.

That clarifies things. That’s my practice. I need to remember this.

Theories are wonderful and easy. Application, not so much.

2:36 PM

After driving for a bit, I made camp at a boat ramp outside Port St. Joe. I don’t think you’re officially allowed to camp here, but boat ramps are places where vehicles are left unattended all the time (while their owners are out boating), so they make good stealth camping spots as long as your rig looks like it could carry a canoe or kayak on it (ie: a roof rack). Regardless, I’ve never been bothered at one. Hell, I’ve never even seen any BRPPs (boat ramp parking police).

On the live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light: I don’t want readers to think that I intend to try to act this way. No. What I mean is that when you remove the me-me-me-thing as completely as possible, the eternal impersonal Love/Light is what is left. My practice is to self-monitor (when I remember) and when not feeling the Love/Light, to see what mistaken assumption (the me-thing) is blocking it.

I sometimes get comments and emails from readers who say, “We’re already enlightened|awake|no-self|… so there’s nothing you need to do.” I don’t agree with this. This misunderstanding is quite common, so much so that Ken Wilbur came up with a term for it, the Pre/Trans Fallacy. Thinking you’re already enlightened doesn’t mean you experience the enlightened no-boundaries state. For example, an infant may experience “oceanic” oneness but this isn’t the same as unity consciousness since the infant doesn’t know how oneness is different from separation since it hasn’t experience separation yet.

My point is that just because the eternal impersonal Love/Light is really what we all are, it doesn’t mean that this is the way we experience life. We can’t experience ourselves as the eternal impersonal Love/Light when the ego/identity blocks the view.

3:14 PM

The mystery truck just drove by my rig, circled the lot and drove off. Right on time too.

November 30, 2014

Fall in Southern Alabama

Fall in Southern Alabama

PENSACOLA, FL #Technique #Emptiness #Radiance … and a distinct lack of solitude.

12:16 PM

I headed out early and, when I grew tired, pulled over for a nap somewhere south of Daphne, ALOn the drive down, I focused on “that which is unchanged” as mentioned yesterday from Adya’s book. It’s a powerful practice and useful for accessing Emptiness, but it does take you away from the feel of Her.

Still, it’s a very useful practice. In many ways it feels almost like a combination of my HDI theory and Radiance—that “You” are a hole that God is poking through from His/Her higher dimension into this 3 dimensional world. That hole-as-You is the constant, unchanging thing.

4:56 PM

Well, I’m officially back in Florida. One of the things I don’t like about this state (and I’m allowed to dis it since I’m a native), is that it is practically impossible to get away from people. Out west, it is simple to spend an entire week without seeing another soul, but in my entire Florida residency, I don’t remember ever finding solitude for even a day (other than if you stay shut in at home). Oh well. We all have our crosses to bear.

November 29, 2014

Father & Daughter at the Parade

Father & Daughter at the Parade

COE CAMP, JACKSON, AL #MyLove #Remember #Radiance #Emptiness #MiracleLog and magical moments.

6:25 AM

He was a black man and he walked with a delicacy and respect for the uncertain ground he found himself on, a respect that comes with a body that no longer bends and twists like it did in younger years.

I lay on my side in bed and watched him out my van window as he readied his little boat for launching on the still waters of the bayou and I realized I was happy.

I felt this happiness deep in my heart, a joy for this man, a purity much in the way one feels when a toddler smiles innocently up at them for seemingly no reason at all.

I was happy for the man, who alone on this still and chilly morning, was doing what he loved.

And I was happy for myself, for in that moment, I realized that this Light entity, this Love archetype—God Herself—can be found not only in nature and not only in selfless actions, but in the lives of others doing what they love and it reminded me of those words I overheard in a little cafe in Taos as a young woman consoled a down and out man and told him not to worry, that, “… all the Universe wants is for you to be happy.”

I had been concerned with this trip, that all I would find on the East coast—with its overpopulation and materialism and selfishness and stress—would be more of that dark egoic entity—God unconscious.

I was worried about this darkness until this very morning when I saw the Light… moving within an old black man in Alabama, doing the things he loves.

3:42 PM

After driving for the day, I sat outside and smoked my pipe and started reading Adyashanti’s Resurrecting Jesus. I figured if I was going to take this mystical surrender stuff seriously, I might as well learn from the best (Jesus and Adya). Just as I read…

…each of us can touch upon that intuition that there’s something about us that is unchanged. Throughout all of the ups and downs and changes of life, something is now as it ever was. To touch upon this is to begin to experience eternity within.

the wind suddenly picked up and leaves started to fall everywhere around me, and each leaf seemed to represent one of my past lives and I turned off the Kindle and sat and watched the falling leaves and I expanded and felt the Eternal-I that has always been a constant throughout this life and all my previous lives.

I felt I/She/We open and smile in recognition and gratitude and I was happy.

And the wind stopped. And the leaves settled. And the crickets resumed their chirping. And all was exactly as it had been.

And it was good.

November 21, 2014

I Want To Believe - Agent Mulder

I Want To Believe – Agent Mulder

EAST OF ROSWELL, NM #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness … and a simplified view.

7:40 AM

In letting go of the personal, what is left? The transpersonal: The Soul (Eternal), Love (Radiance), the Source (Emptiness).

Years ago I let go of the higher personal—the ego story. Now my practice is to let go of the lower personalself-concern.

Seeing it this way simplifies things for me. Surrendering to God is very abstract, yet surrendering self-concern is very concrete. Ultimately they are the same thing. The less there is of self-concern, the more there is of the Divine within.