The Felt Sense Of Self

Dry Grass in the Morning Light

Dry Grass in the Morning Light

JOE SKEEN CAMPGROUND, NM — #Emptiness #Encounters #Radiance #Writing

April 21, 2015 7:25 AM

This spot isn’t going to do it. Not that there’s anything wrong with it—it’s a free, developed campground with a decent Signal—but it just doesn’t feel right for writing. Am I procrastinating again? I dunno, but I think I’ll move on.

From the Vastness, there is no center to “You.” There is a point where everything is seen from, but the sense of self seems to be missing, it’s expanded to infinity so there seems to be no felt centuralized location for it. … Read more…

Michelle And The Castle

Michelle In The Castle

Michelle In The Castle

LAWRENCE, KS — #MiracleLog #Encounters

April 11, 2015 9:13 AM

Michelle and I have been exchanging emails for nearly five years: from June 2010 where she first asked for some advice, through my keeping her as my only “student,” to her gaining proficiency in the Radiance quality, and up through the awakening of the Divine within.

Yesterday, I met Michelle for the very first time and together, we had an experience that felt so deeply profound and sacred as to merit right up there with the three owls.

We spent about five or six hours together yesterday (far too much happened to relate in a single post so maybe Michelle will write more of these events and insights on her blog), but what I want to share is what happened in the Castle. … Read more…

Embarrassed By My Burka

White Outside. Pink Inside.

White Outside. Pink Inside.

BERRYVILLE, AR — #Encounters #MiracleLog

April 6, 2015 4:28 PM

Reader Joe recommended I check out Eureka Springs, AR while I was in the area. After Googling it, it seemed like a cool little town. From where I had made camp last night, I had the option of driving across Southern Missouri or Northern Arkansas and though my mind said, “Missouri,” She said, “Arkansas” and so I jogged a little south, crossed the border and headed west.

As I drove through Harrison, I glimpsed a billboard, very prominently displayed as you enter town. It featured a pretty young girl holding a sweet little puppy and the text, “It’s not racist to (heart) your people. Harrison—Love Lives Here. WhitePrideRadio.”Read more…


Different Colors. Same Function.

Different Colors. Same Function.

BOYNTON BEACH, FL — #Encounters #LivingIt #Surrender

March 19, 2015 6:40 PM

I dropped in at a business complex where I thought Timmerman, a friend since childhood, was working, only to find he was no longer employed there. I dropped in instead of calling because, let’s face it, the unexpected is much more exciting—much more memorable.

Jim—a programmer who had worked there at the same tedious job for at least 15 years—said, “Timmerman quit, I don’t know, maybe a few months ago?”

When I finally caught up with Timmerman for lunch, it turned out he had quit three years ago (not “a few months”).

Monotony kills you in many ways, but the worst is that it steals time. It steals your very life.

Neil Young said it best:

It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Since we hadn’t gotten together for over ten years, much had changed in both our lives. Timmerman is now a devote Christian, though he adamantly rejects the concept of “being religious.” He explained that religions are all about rules and rules push us away from God, not bring us closer to Him.

When I explained my theory of deep beliefshow evidence is required to alleviate the doubting subconscious—he explained that he too found God via the evidence route (study of comparative religions, deep analysis of the Bible, back and forth dialog with Christian experts, …).

He also told me that, as he surrendered more to God, his life got much easier, almost magically so. This, of course, supports something I’ve been saying for years:

The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

After all these years, it was great to see Timmerman again and I was surprised—even grateful—at how much we were in agreement on our beliefs. Who would have thought? A devote Christian and a nondual Mystic agreeing on practically everything.

Let’s face it, the unexpected is much more exciting—much more memorable.

Dave Revisited

On The Waterfront

On The Waterfront

MELBOURNE, FL — #Emptiness #Encounters #Intimate #MiracleLog #VanDwelling

March 8, 2015 2:19 PM

Hungry after finishing up my weekly tasks, I tossed a couple frozen onion rolls on the dash to warm them in the sun and sought a quiet place to enjoy some lunch. I found a vacant building right on the water, parked behind it and assembled some sandwiches and chips. Plate in hand, I clambered barefoot down to the seawall to watch the sailboats and pelicans and seagulls. The idea of living on a sailboat has its appeal, but I don’t like how much effort it takes to just go for a walk.

As I ate, a pod of porpoises surfaced thirty yards out and three or four pelicans quickly flew over hoping for an easy meal. Just then, as my eyes were fixed on the distant commotion, I was startled by a loud exhalation and caught a glimpse—ten feet off to my left—of a manatee dropping back below the surface and down into the depths.

Yesterday afternoon I met up with Dave on his rural property down in Vero Beach. As we walked around the property—a good ten or twenty acres—Dave pointed out the various features and the history behind them. During these tales, the theme of Death and Rebirth—of getting rid of the Old to make way for the New—kept recurring: Of the lifecycle of the fishpond; of the various pieces of equipment no longer needed or desired; of the citrus trees thriving and dying and being replaced.

Eventually he got to what he wanted to tell me about, about how he had thought he was done with the spiritual seeking, had found the End To It All, only to have it re-awoken when we last met. He explained how opening his heart as I had suggested, had brought the Divine from “out there” to “in here” and how he had spent a couple days in complete bliss and union with the Divine/Everything and how he blamed the drinking of a single beer with dropping him out of this wonderful state.

I/She/We explained that “dropping out of it” was inevitable, that something would have knocked him out eventually, and that all he needed was to find a simple exercise that consistently brings him back into that state. I explained that, in my experience, Mystical Oneness is a constant flowing between the various states of contraction (Mortal, Eternal, Radiance, Emptiness, Intimate) and the key is to not cling to any one state.

In describing the Intimate state—the deep, profound sense of Divine union—Dave said, “That is the purpose of life,” and, for the most part, I agree with him. “For the most part” because the purpose of Life is really about happiness, and each person’s unique purpose is to find that which makes them happy.

Before Dave had experienced the Intimate quality, Dave thought that Emptiness—the boundless vast potential—was the thing that brought him the most happiness. He said that he had pushed for the original meeting in order to teach me something, yet ended up learning something far more valuable instead: the state of Divine union.

Dave was visibly much happier than when we had first met.

Death and Rebirth. Out with the Old, in with the New.

As we parted, I/She/We felt the need to pass something on and She placed my hand momentarily on his chest and I felt something pass through my head and out my hand. I offered no explanation, nor did he inquire as to what it was all about and I hopped into the van and drove east to the river, then turned northward as the sun set and the day came to an end.

The Cyclical Nature of Tides

Man and Bird... Waiting.

Man and Bird… Waiting.

MELBOURNE, FL — #Encounters #MiracleLog #LivingIt

February 2, 2015 9:33 AM

A great blue heron soars gracefully down the beach, landing next to a fisherman setting up his poles in the sand as the pre-dawn sky slowly brightens.

Like the heron, I stand there and watch, waiting patiently for something. Unlike the great bird, what I wait for isn’t so concrete as a scrap of bait from the fisherman’s kit. What I wait for is something far more subtle. Something unknown.

She has pulled me here—gotten me out of bed at this ungodly hour and dragged me to the beach—but I don’t know why.

So I stand in the soft, cool sand… and I wait.

A young couple lean against the railing on the boardwalk above, arms wrapped around each others waist, murmuring softly—happy and comfortable and alive.

I stroll over to the fisherman, his eyes red and bloodshot from a lack of sleep—the Super Bowl I suppose—and he tells me that the heron appears every morning, and every morning he tosses him a piece of bait.

Like the couple above, the fisherman and the heron have a relationship, an unspoken promise binding each other.

Like both couples, I too have a similar relationship, but mine is far more subtle—more intimateI have a relationship with the Divine.

I stand there, listening to the light surf while the fisherman—comfortably lost in his thoughts—gazes silently at the horizon.

I nod to his poles sticking up in the sand, “Your lines aren’t out?” It is hard to tell in the early light.

“No,” he replies, “I’m waiting for the tide to change. A few minutes now. Soon.”

I turn back to the sea and think about this, about how tides are cyclical in nature and how some tides are more conducive to fishing than others. How outward flowing tides—high to low—pull the bait out to sea and thus are good for beach fishing, while inward flowing tides are better for other things—more active things. Surfing perhaps… and swimming.

I walk back to the parking lot, intent on washing the sand from my bare feet, but a homeless man arrives at the shower just ahead of me, strips down to his shorts and begins to bathe.

I smile and nod to him, he needs the flowing water more than I—he appreciates it more—and walk over to my rig and brush the sand off as best I can and drive to a coffee shop where so many people give me the push/pull double-take thing that I check my appearance in a mirror.

I look the same to me.

But somehow, I feel different.

01/02/2015: A Meeting With Reader Erik

The Still Center

The Still Center

MELBOURNE, FL — #Technique #Encounters

9:14 AM

Yesterday, in the afternoon, I met up with reader Erik at a closed Starbucks and we sat on the patio chairs and talked for a couple of hours. Though he rarely comments on the blog, he’s followed my work since 2005 when Bill Harris of Holosync fame reviewed my book, Fading Toward Enlightenment.

Erik’s spiritual life reminded me much of my own when I was a seeker—he is a very smart and motivated guy and because of this he consumes serious spiritual works like many people consume nighttime TV shows.

Much like myself, he almost knows too much stuff—all that knowledge creating a sort of mental whirlwind in his mind.

It was this image of a whirlwind, and a passage I wrote to Michelle earlier that day, that culminated in a piece of advice that I/She/We passed on.

The passage to Michelle:

 While you’re listening for Her whispers during your day-to-day activities, I want you to also CONSTANTLY be looking for yourself/Witness/Emptiness:

From in reference to you-as-the-Witness (quote from Adya’s book):

“…each of us can touch upon that intuition that there’s something about us that is unchanged. Throughout all of the ups and downs and changes of life, something is now as it ever was. To touch upon this is to begin to experience eternity within.”

The image I sought to convey to Erik:

To imagine all this (waving my hand to the outside world), is all swirling about you-as-a-still-point in the center of this whirlwind. All this stuff—even your thoughts and emotions—are just inconsequential stuff whirling about you-as-you-have-always-been: A point of constant stillness (the Witness). Learn to flow with this dynamic, but inconsequential outer movement, like a leaf flowing on the river Tao: Separate but one. When you’re not flowing—when you’re clinging or trying to control—use that felt contraction as a reminder and return to the stillness-that-you-are amid the constantly flowing Tao.

It took us a couple hours to get to this point, and the above is not what I said, as much as it is what I was trying to convey, but once we got to that point, I/She/We knew it was time to shut up and go home and let it all sink into Erik’s being.

Unlike encounters with “normal” people (which are often quite exhausting when you talk about this stuff), I left the encounter feeling very energized. I can think of three reasons for this:

  • Erik was knowledgable. I didn’t have to explain my vocabulary and concepts.
  • Erik was receptive. He wasn’t trying to prove any points or theories.
  • There was some sort of transmission thing happening (particularly at the end). I was left feeling lighter and clearer—as if I had given away something. Note: I’ve experienced this before and have found these “transmissions” are most powerful in person, weaker but still present over the phone or video chats, and—sadly—almost nonexistent in written exchanges.