December 5, 2014

Oaks and Spanish Moss

Oaks and Spanish Moss

OCALA, FL #Journaling #NoSelf … and the right track.

7:05 AM

I’m getting a lot of feedback (some blog comments but mostly emails) about all the things I am doing wrong. They are so sure of themselves, yet they offer no evidence (I’m a rational mystic, not a gullible one). They give me all this unsolicited advice that doesn’t seem to be based on any facts. It’s almost as if what I am doing is frightening to them—to something inside of them.

Yet what I am doing seems to be working—working far beyond my expectations (all the profound insights, synchronistic experiences and spiritual growth just from one short month of doing this “experiment”). Still, regardless of all this evidence I’ve been posting, the advice I’m receiving is saying, “Don’t do it that way. Do it my way. You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong.”

How odd. It has got to have something to do with the Archetypes: My seeing the Ego/Self-centered archetype as Dark and the Love/Selflessness as Light and then dissolving the Dark into the Light. Gotta be something like that. I can see how this practice should be scary to the Darkness within me (oddly it isn’t), but far more strangely, my practice—my doing this—seems to scare the Darkness within them.

How odd.

I think it means I must be on the right track.

9:36 AM

I stood in the doorway, drinking my morning coffee, looking out over the woods and as I expanded and lifted the Darkness/contraction away I enfolded it into the Light and the Darkness offered no resistance and I felt at once both empty and whole and so deeply entwined with the trees and the earth and the brush and the sky and I was happy. On the last gulp of coffee some grounds filled my mouth (something that usually irks me) and even this had no affect on my joy—on how vitally alive and connected I felt.

Yes, I am on the right track.

November 27, 2014

Filling The Water Jugs

Filling The Water Jugs

NATCHEZ TRACE, MS #Journaling #VanDwelling #MiracleLog

7:40 AM

I lay in bed listening to the gunfire erupting all around me while debating whether to reply to a critical comment left on the blog disagreeing with what I had said. I opted not to. While I have been reading all the comments on this new blog, I haven’t been replying to any of them for three reasons:

  1. This is a journal, not a teaching blog. inadvertently became my teaching blog and in my time remaining I’m planning on writing a book about Mystical Oneness, so I don’t want to get dragged back into interactive teaching mode right now (I’m still continuing to guide Michelle, though she’s developed to the point that any “teachings” are just reminders).
  2. I’m thinking about making short ebooks out of this journal. I like how ebooks feature the ability to highlight entries and to take notes which would allow readers an easy way of summarizing anything they find important in these works. I did this with a book by Meister Eckhart and found it very useful and still refer to it often. Since I’m not planning on including the blog comments in the books, it makes more sense to post any replies I might have in the journal entries themselves.
  3. I don’t want to get dragged back into debating theories. I don’t just think about my theories—I apply them, I practice them, and I live them. Any need I may feel to defend them is just more self-concern (defending my actions), the very thing I’m wanting to surrender. Besides, all the explanations for my theories/actions can be found in:

Oh, the gunfire was due to hunters. Killing innocent, helpless, and defenseless animals is apparently a very popular past time around here. A proximity to hunters is one of the few downsides to forest-based van dwelling (but can largely be avoided if it’s a concern).

9:06 AM

Just got a Thanksgiving text from my brother. Dad’s doing better. His shortness of breath was due to pneumonia, but they seem to have that under control and he should be released from the hospital today or tomorrow. Good news… and I’m grateful. I replied I should be back in Florida in about a week.

3:19 PM

Arrived at Jeff Busby Park, a free campground on the Natchez Trace. I expected it to be full for the long holiday weekend, but I’m the only one here. I was greeted at the entrance by a whole flock of cats, which was coincidental since only an hour ago, after seeing my third (possible) stray dog, I was thinking that I hadn’t seen any stray cats this trip. Sat down with them and a really sweet grey and white one came up to me and let me pet her. Was tempted to take her on the road with me but I’m not ready for such a serious relationship. Filled my water jugs (a task I’ve always oddly enjoyed) and picked a spot for the night. As I was typing this, the mystery truck drove by to confirm my stay, so it looks like I’m golden for the night.

November 16, 2014

Not As Scary As It Appears

Not As Scary As It Appears

CONGRESS, AZ #MiracleLog #Journaling #MyLove #Death #Soul … and Magical Reminders.

9:52 AM

My plan is to write or record entries for this journal in real-time (in either Ulysses or my phone’s voice recorder) then clean them up the next morning just prior to uploading them to the site. As I was adding links to yesterday’s post, I “coincidentally” (and I see powerful synchronicities such as this as evidence of TaoGodHer) stumbled across an old post called The Beloved from way back in 2010, less than six months after my awakening experience. The synchronicity, the evidence that I am on the right track, was the video at the bottom of that post (previously mentioned) Leona Lewis singing I See You in Avatar.

If you take that song, not as a song between two people, but a song of a devotee to their God, then it takes on a much deeper meaning.

Every morning I receive an email to renew my Vow of NonAbuse. I have my profile set this way because I like to be reminded of how I wish to be. I think I’ll set a little daily reminder for myself to also watch that video, I See You, since really, that too is how I wish to be.

We all need reminders. As I wrote to reader Phil this morning on a powerful spiritual experience he had:

But, and this is something I tell Michelle all the time: Don’t expect this to be a permanent experience (who can stay focused on one thing all their life?), but expect it to flow in and out of awareness. The less you hold onto it—ironically—the more stable it becomes.

Who can stay focused on one thing all their life? I sure as hell can’t. Which is why I need the reminders.

10:56 AM

Crap. I had thought to hold off on announcing this journaling project for a week (to better get the kinks worked out and be very, very sure I wanted to actually go forward with it), but when I uploaded yesterdays post a few minutes ago, it was immediately shared on Facebook and Google+ (via a WordPress plugin). Not my intention, but I see these sort of things as Her intention, so… so there it is.

12:07 PM

Walking down a dusty road, lost in thought but with that Avatar song playing in my head, I—completely beyond my control—turned left toward my rig and immediately felt a sharp, piercing sting on my big toe and looked down and saw I had stepped on a thorn which had gone right through my flip-flop just as Leona sang “I see you….”

Lost in thoughts. Sharp pain…

I see you.

I stopped and I smiled and as I pulled out the thorn, I pulled out my thoughts and I pulled out the portal/self-contraction and I saw Her everywhere—I felt Her everywhere

And it was beautiful and I felt blessed.

I see you.

A thorn in the toe to distract me from my thoughts and immerse me in the Divine. As I said above just two hours ago: I need these little reminders.

Note: The “completely beyond my control” thing occurs most often when the less there is of you inside provides space for TaoGodHer to fill in the gaps. Though I have numerous examples of this on my blog (this is a good one), you can see my student Michelle’s first public posting of a similar experience here. These experiences, this interactive intimacy with the Divine, is why I so often say,

The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

1:17 PM

Oy. I just received this email from Michelle:

@your new blog…why do you expect to be dead in two years? Are you serious? Is it the money situation? An exercise in surrender?

I guess I had hoped to simply imply my intentions and be done with it, but I guessed wrong. Here’s the deal: When I run out of money, I’m offing myself.

There, that wasn’t so bad. And don’t go calling someone to have me committed either, or I’ll have to stop posting where my camps are.

I often find it funny that practically everyone I cross paths with, whether physically or virtually, has a higher regard for my life than I do.

I live. I die. I merge with Her. I get pulled out. I swear to do whatever it takes to merge with Her once again, and I come back. (See my book The Implications of the Soul).

I’ve done this a thousand times and will probably have to do it a thousand more before I get it right. It’s no big deal.

The Dalai Lama, who’s also big on reincarnation, once remarked on his inevitable demise,

I’m kind of looking forward to death. I want to see how I do.

My sentiments exactly. I’m in no hurry, but I’m not going to put up much of a fight either.

The contemplation of death though, is a key aspect of this phase of my life—of this practice. To really let go of the self—to truly merge with Heryou have to truly not care if you live or die. You have to let go of even the attachment to life.

Using my bank balance as an indicator of my time remaining on this planet is what I call The Gas Gauge of Life (or of Death depending on what I’m focusing on at the time). It was a key factor in my initial awakening. Why? Because I had given up. I had realized I was almost out of time and I gave up on trying to find enlightenment, when Bam! within days I met my Frog Master and the rest is history.

I recently quit my freelance programming position and, when NonAbusers met so much resistance with my readers, I pretty much said, “I’m done.” Meaning, “I’m done working. I’m done trying to convince anyone of my viewpoint. I’m done trying to make a difference. I’m done trying to extend my life. I am done.”

And dropping all those self-imposed burdens felt goooood.

It was eye-opening.

It led directly to the creation of this Journal.

As I said in the Introduction, I’ve got about two years of funds socked away, so there’s no imminent danger of this journal just suddenly coming to an end (though it might, even you don’t have as long to live as you probably hope).

So don’t worry. Two years is a long time for things to go right.

Important Note: DO NOT off yourself because of depression! There are plenty of resources to help with this. Depression is temporary and treatable. So get help, feel better and get on with your life. What I’m talking about above are quality of life issues—a whole different animal.

November 15, 2014

The Scorpion

The Scorpion

CONGRESS, AZ #Journaling #NoSelf #Soul #MyLove… and staring into a scorpion’s eyes.

12:32 PM

Having decided to go ahead with this experiment, I spent all of yesterday and this morning putting together the website, A Mystic’s Journal.

Ironically, the intense focus I experience when immersed in a project has taken me away from the very purpose of this exercise: To surrender what remains of my “self” to Her.

12:46 PM

Which got me thinking (of course), that the intense focus I just described is the unconscious version of the No-Self state (using Adyashanti’s terminology). No-Self is the experience of life without a sense of a self. Pretty much everyone experiences No-Self unconsciously at various points in their lives—while lost in a great movie or book, creating a piece of artwork, a session of intense writing, …—they just aren’t aware of the oddity of their “self” not being there while it is happening.

Conversely, being aware of “not being there” while things are experienced is exactly what the No Self state is (at least in the few times I’ve experienced it).

3:46 PM

After lunch I filled my pipe with tobacco and my mug with coffee and walked out into the desert and stumbled across a scorpion sitting on a water meter used to measure the underground water table or something.

I sat down next to him and we entered into a staring contest (which—with his beady little eyelid-less eyes—he easily won) . As his reward, I took his portrait while he acted all macho and stuff, silently wished him well, felt blessed and grateful for the experience, and continued my walk out into the desert.

Five years ago, I was living as a Soul when I had my awakening experience. Now, with a limited lifespan before me, my desire is to clear as many knots (conditioned reactions and habits) as possible which stand between My Love and I. The deep and serious contemplation of my inevitable death worked once before in expanding my consciousness, so maybe living as a Soul will work again.

Like Meister Eckhart and Saint Teresa of Ávila, I hope to immerse myself in the Divine and reveal any hardness which is still left of this annoying me-thing. In so doing—in seeing and feeling these “me-me-me” contractions—I hope to eventually relax and release them. My goal is that when I do die, I will have fewer attachments to this mortal life—attachments which will involuntarily tear me apart from Her once we merge (my belief is that each of us merges with Her/God/the Light upon our deaths, but our attachments—our desires for something “other”—make this beautiful co-existence only a fleeting experience).

From Fading Toward Enlightenment:

Under the moon on that clear night, both frightened and amazed, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Back,” I said, and my whole life changed forever.

Wholeness. Contentment. Joy and Bliss. Awareness without an Other. Love radiating outward into itself. No beginnings, no endings. No births or deaths. To Life, there is no opposite.

From the Stillness, a subtle tug, a tiny ripple on the empty ocean. A single twitch, a little pull and suddenly there were Two.

Ripped apart by desires unknown. She, the World and I, me. No longer One, we now were Two. It’s all my fault… Forgive me.

Yeah, it sucks, but that merging is what I see as the purpose of my life, or at least, this phase of my life (assuming I survive it). As Leona Lewis sings in Avatar, “Your love shines the way into Paradise, so I offer my life as a sacrifice.” Meister Eckhart or St. Teresa could have written those exact words.

Your love shines the way into Paradise, so I offer my life as a sacrifice.

And so this journal will be used to record my progress on just that: The immersion of this me-thing into the Light.

I’m sorry for all the odd terminology and links. I’ve been a Mystic for over five years now and in that time—and by necessity—have developed a vocabulary all my own. Lots of vast and varied experiences, all documented (and thus linkable). So don’t sweat the vocabulary. Just like the readers of my previous blog, you’ll pick up the language soon enough.