December 3, 2014

The Boat Ramp

The Boat Ramp

E OF PORT ST JOE, FL #Remember #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #VanDwelling … and what is left when you leave.

6:57 AM

I awoke to this thought, something very simple, but something I often overlook:

  1. Sometimes something appears to happen TO me.
  2. That same something sometimes appears to happen OUTSIDE of me.
  3. That same something sometimes appears to happen INSIDE of me.

#1 feels personal. It happens when I’m caught in the illusion of me. It often causes emotional pain.

#2 and #3 happen when I’m not lost. They are impersonal. They happen from the Witness perspective (#2) or from the boundary-less Emptiness state (#3). Often they happen at the same time.

When I feel #1, when I feel something is happening to me, I want to remember this. I want to use it as a reminder that the “me” is an illusion—that I’m taking the me-thing too seriously.

8:13 AM

It seems that my practice now is similar to what I teach about living as a Soul, but from the other side of awakening. I’m not sure of the difference yet. It feels different—but I’m not sure exactly what the difference is. Maybe it has something to do with knowing I’m eternal (post-awakening) rather than the pre-awakening practice of convincing myself of it through research and playing with it?

It’s similar to the way Radiance feels different between pre- and post-awakening. Pre-awakening Radiance feels like you are the portal (the ego contraction) and the Light is other. Post-awakening Radiance feels like you are the Light and the portal/ego is other.

8:49 AM

Hmm. I was just proof-reading the above. Post-awakened Soul (eternal) + post awakened Radiance (Love/Light) + Emptiness (Self minus me) = The eternal impersonal Love/Light.

It’s not No-Thing as most of today’s nondualists/nihilists would suggest. It’s No-Self.

To live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light.

That clarifies things. That’s my practice. I need to remember this.

Theories are wonderful and easy. Application, not so much.

2:36 PM

After driving for a bit, I made camp at a boat ramp outside Port St. Joe. I don’t think you’re officially allowed to camp here, but boat ramps are places where vehicles are left unattended all the time (while their owners are out boating), so they make good stealth camping spots as long as your rig looks like it could carry a canoe or kayak on it (ie: a roof rack). Regardless, I’ve never been bothered at one. Hell, I’ve never even seen any BRPPs (boat ramp parking police).

On the live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light: I don’t want readers to think that I intend to try to act this way. No. What I mean is that when you remove the me-me-me-thing as completely as possible, the eternal impersonal Love/Light is what is left. My practice is to self-monitor (when I remember) and when not feeling the Love/Light, to see what mistaken assumption (the me-thing) is blocking it.

I sometimes get comments and emails from readers who say, “We’re already enlightened|awake|no-self|… so there’s nothing you need to do.” I don’t agree with this. This misunderstanding is quite common, so much so that Ken Wilbur came up with a term for it, the Pre/Trans Fallacy. Thinking you’re already enlightened doesn’t mean you experience the enlightened no-boundaries state. For example, an infant may experience “oceanic” oneness but this isn’t the same as unity consciousness since the infant doesn’t know how oneness is different from separation since it hasn’t experience separation yet.

My point is that just because the eternal impersonal Love/Light is really what we all are, it doesn’t mean that this is the way we experience life. We can’t experience ourselves as the eternal impersonal Love/Light when the ego/identity blocks the view.

3:14 PM

The mystery truck just drove by my rig, circled the lot and drove off. Right on time too.

December 2, 2014

The Fence's Fading Light

The Fence’s Fading Light

PENSACOLA BEACH, FL #MiracleLog #NoSelf #Remember … and clunky human nature.

9:10 AM

Reading Adya’s Resurrecting Jesus has helped me realize what has been going on with me lately. Once again She has come through and provided just the help I needed, right when I needed it: Adya’s interpretation of the Jesus story as an example of spiritual awakening.

When I first came across Adya’s concept of No-Self, I thought, “Why bother?” Practically everyone else in the course was all, “Oh, No-Self is the highest level, I’ve got to get that!” and I’m like, “Who cares? This relationship with Her is wonderful and beautiful (Adya’s Transcendent Self). Why would anyone want to move past that?” No-Self, in Adya’s own words, is boring in comparison to the earlier, awakened state of Transcendent Self. Seems like most, if not all his students, were talking from ego (I want the best!), while I was talking from experience.

When I asked Adya about this—why anyone would want No-Self since they have to go through the Transcendent first (and the Transcendent is wonderful)—he said, “Yes, the Transcendent is where all the good stuff happens—the miracles, the magic, the intimate relationship with God—but for the No-Self state to appear, you’ve got to want the Truth more than you want anything else—including all the magic and miracles of the Transcendent level.”

I’m not sure I agree with him on that. I think the desire for Truth is important, but there is also—as in my case—an additional motivator.

In Adya’s book, Jesus was at the Transcendent Self from the time of his baptism (spiritual awakening) up until his “death” on the cross (“Why have You forsaken ME?”). He only attained the No-Self state (dropped the me-thing, Jesus-thing) after his resurrection.

The differences between Transcendent Jesus and No-Self Christ are profound. No-Self Christ had far less inner and outer conflict, far less self-concern, far less hardness. Hell, No-Self Christ may not have had any of that stuff. Even though Pre-No-Self Jesus had a deep and intimate relationship with the Divine, he still had his human “clunkiness.” He still had his me-thing.

It is the hardness—the clunkiness—that has started to get old in my life. 

At the start of this journal, I mentioned my desire to be rid of this Wayne-thing that separates me from Her, but it is in comparing Transcendent Jesus with No-Self Christ that it has clarified the feel and the benefits of the No-Self state—making the state more real, more approachable, and thus more accessible.

In other words, as is common in this Transcendent Self stage, this information is just what I needed, just when I needed it.

And I’m grateful for that.

November 29, 2014

Father & Daughter at the Parade

Father & Daughter at the Parade

COE CAMP, JACKSON, AL #MyLove #Remember #Radiance #Emptiness #MiracleLog and magical moments.

6:25 AM

He was a black man and he walked with a delicacy and respect for the uncertain ground he found himself on, a respect that comes with a body that no longer bends and twists like it did in younger years.

I lay on my side in bed and watched him out my van window as he readied his little boat for launching on the still waters of the bayou and I realized I was happy.

I felt this happiness deep in my heart, a joy for this man, a purity much in the way one feels when a toddler smiles innocently up at them for seemingly no reason at all.

I was happy for the man, who alone on this still and chilly morning, was doing what he loved.

And I was happy for myself, for in that moment, I realized that this Light entity, this Love archetype—God Herself—can be found not only in nature and not only in selfless actions, but in the lives of others doing what they love and it reminded me of those words I overheard in a little cafe in Taos as a young woman consoled a down and out man and told him not to worry, that, “… all the Universe wants is for you to be happy.”

I had been concerned with this trip, that all I would find on the East coast—with its overpopulation and materialism and selfishness and stress—would be more of that dark egoic entity—God unconscious.

I was worried about this darkness until this very morning when I saw the Light… moving within an old black man in Alabama, doing the things he loves.

3:42 PM

After driving for the day, I sat outside and smoked my pipe and started reading Adyashanti’s Resurrecting Jesus. I figured if I was going to take this mystical surrender stuff seriously, I might as well learn from the best (Jesus and Adya). Just as I read…

…each of us can touch upon that intuition that there’s something about us that is unchanged. Throughout all of the ups and downs and changes of life, something is now as it ever was. To touch upon this is to begin to experience eternity within.

the wind suddenly picked up and leaves started to fall everywhere around me, and each leaf seemed to represent one of my past lives and I turned off the Kindle and sat and watched the falling leaves and I expanded and felt the Eternal-I that has always been a constant throughout this life and all my previous lives.

I felt I/She/We open and smile in recognition and gratitude and I was happy.

And the wind stopped. And the leaves settled. And the crickets resumed their chirping. And all was exactly as it had been.

And it was good.

November 22, 2014

Desolation at Dawn

Desolation at Dawn

HEREFORD, TX #Remember #Surrender  #MiracleLog … and a missed whisper

6:43 AM

I awoke on a vast empty plain of utter nothingness. The overcast sky in the pre-dawn light matched my mood of despondence. What a failure I am. I have completely failed at making a living on the spiritual path: I’ve failed in my teaching. I’ve failed at inspiring. I’ve failed in my writing.

The vast nothingness of the desert plain reflected these thoughts and filled me with despair.

But as my mind cleared from the grogginess of sleep, I saw through the key false assumption of these dark, depressing thoughts just as the sun crested the horizon.

Every one of these thoughts is about a false me-thing. A me-thing made completely of illusions. Made completely of thoughts.

Every one of them is about results stemming from self-concern.

With a clear mind, I let all those thoughts drop into the nothingness, pulled away the self-contraction and expanded… and saw the Present for what it really was: a beautiful dawn of a new day.

11:49 AM

I drove a long, boring stretch to Clovis, NM to do some wash. I was surprised to see the laundromat largely empty on a Saturday.

On the drive here, I thought about how the trying in my life often leads to discontent. While the desire for a better life is key in growth, and the desire to express one’s creativity is key to a sense of worthiness, the attachment to results—the trying—is a key to suffering. I want to remember this.

Another thing I want to remember, and I practiced this on the drive, is to see Her in all living things. As I wrote in Fading Toward Enlightenment:

We had been One, but now no more, my weakness – simple desire. By wanting more, we split in two. I the Ego and She the World. I apart from She.

Or as Leona Lewis sang:

I live through you and you through me.

2:10 PM

I had lunch at a Mexican restaurant that had great reviews online. The waitress brought me the wrong order, a smaller, lighter fare. Without thinking, I said this isn’t what I ordered and she said, “Oh! I don’t know why I brought you this.”

Like a fool I didn’t listen to Her whisper because when the meal I ordered arrived it was tasteless and heavy and left me feeling a little ill.