To Thrive

Manatee Dreamin'

Manatee Dreamin’

MELBOURNE, FL — #VanDwelling #Remember #Soul

February 26, 2015 7:54 AM

The days have been running together, a sad testament to modern life’s routine. Reading and writing and running errands—rotating through the same locations in the same town. Maybe I’m picking up the winter blues that affect so much of the northern hemisphere this time of year. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve inadvertently experienced the pain of the larger population.

I’m look forward to hitting the road—even bought Heat-Moon’s Blue Highways for added inspiration. With Mom’s last cataract surgery scheduled for later today, I should be back on the road soon enough.

I’ve toyed with where to go when I head out. I’ve kicked around a couple ideas, but after reading Bob Well’s latest post, on his reasons for flying to Florida to visit his mother rather than driving, I’ve decided to take the opposite approach. Bob (seemingly unconsciously) is looking at his Florida visit as a round trip, referring to “returning home” a number of times.

The difference is that I don’t consider anywhere home (or just as accurately, I consider everywhere home), so my travels tend to be one way trips. From here, I think I’ll take this I-find-myself-in-Florida opportunity as a starting point to drift northeast as the temperatures warm with the spring thaw.

Other than a couple places I’d like to revisit (D.C.Lancaster county), I’ve no intention on mapping a route or setting a timetable.

I live in a van, I’ve no obligations, I’m completely free and I expect to die soon (as all of us will). In the time we’ve got left, we can survive or we can thrive.

I choose the latter.

8:42 AM

Before I forget, I want to #Remember something that a video reminded me of (a video referenced by Rob in the comments):

Reincarnation implies that our current (seemingly all-important) life will soon feel like a dream.

Just as we forgot our previous lives (even children who recall their former life forget it as they grow older), we’ll forget this life when we take on our next one.

Remembering that we’ll soon forget this “all-important” life, that it will soon feel no more real than a dream, takes all the pressure off it—takes all the seriousness out of it.

This life is no more important that a dream—a lucid dream. You can make it a dream of rote and routine, or one of growth and adventure.

We can survive or we can thrive. I choose the latter.

An Unexpected Insight

The Bird and the Dawn Sky

The Bird and the Dawn Sky

MELBOURNE, FL — #Soul #Death

February 24, 2015 9:32 AM

In search of more evidence of the Soul, I’m reading a book on reincarnation, Children Who Remember Previous Lives. It’s a dense book, lots of scientific research methodology, so I’m not sure I recommend it to a more general audience.

Rather than focusing on the details of individual cases, what I find far more indicative of truth is the repeated patterns—shared traits—of most past life cases.

Two big surprises I’ve picked up from these patterns:

  1. All evidence suggests we consciously selected our current life. I’ve believed this was true ever since my LSD vision, but the repeated, common pattern suggests that this is indeed so. I base this on how many cases where the children’s most recent past life either resided near the new family or was related to them. If your new life was purely random, this pattern wouldn’t have emerged.
  2. There doesn’t appear to be any evidence that we know the future of these newly selected lives. I’ve long believed that we select these lives based on what they can teach us (ie: know its destiny), but none of the children seem to have any memories of this process. (Many, though have reported a sage-like guide in the “in between state” (bardo realm) that helps them make a new life selection).

The implications of these two patterns mean I have to rethink a key aspect of my theory of destiny. Before reading this book, I assumed (assumptions are such sneaky bastards) that I had selected this life (and all previous lives) based on what I knew it would help me learn. While in the bardo realm, I would see all the events that this new (potential) life would encounter, see what I could learn from it, and then select it if I felt it useful for my spiritual development. Sort of like consciously selected karma.

Not knowing the destiny of a potential life while in the bardo realm means that we only select a life based on its potential. We infer what we will learn based on the family, race, society and culture of the new parents.

This evidence throws my idea of karma out the window. This life’s future is no longer a chosen, fully understood (then forgotten) fixed destiny. At best, we selected this life as a probability it would help us evolve based on an informed guess (selection of a new life based on the new family’s circumstances). At worst, we selected it based on simple attachment to stuff from the previous life (loved ones, enemies, lifestyle improvement, …).

I’m not sure how I feel about this, but that’s what the evidence suggests.

Hardware and Software

A Good Morning For Writing

A Good Morning For Writing

MELBOURNE, FL#Writing #FourthWall #Soul

January 24, 2015 11:16 AM

I spent the morning working on the book, mainly just re-arranging topics and organizing my thoughts. Since I'm an atomic kind of guy, what I do is put each topic in its own sheet (Ulysses' term for a document), and add a bunch of comments/thoughts at the top of each sheet. These comments show in the summary view of the manuscript, so I can see both an overview and the details all at once.

I had dropped my laptop off at the Apple store in Orlando a couple days ago. They are replacing the entire screen and, as an unexpected bonus, are even throwing in a new the battery. The battery replacement alone probably paid for the extended warranty. I should have the laptop back in a couple days.

In the mean time, I've been using the Keyboard/iPad/Ulysses combination and it has been working surprisingly well. Even though Ulysses on the iPad is a beta version, it is rock solid, and in combination with the bluetooth keyboard, it's able to handle all my writing needs.

Note: I returned my original keyboard because it broke at the hinge. I'm now using a "folio" type keyboard (no mechanical hinge) and it seems to be much more robust.

January 24, 2015 3:34 PM

I'm finishing up Evidence of the Afterlife and I find it fascinating how similar the post-life experiences of NDE'ers are to the mystical qualities of the awakened state: miraculous healings, psychic abilities, profound selfless love, loss of the fear of death, …. I haven't thought it through, but near death experiences seem to support the fading aspects of Mystical Oneness: that the less there is of you (and when you die, there is certainly less of you), the more there is of the Divine.

There isn't any mention of synchronistic luck, but as far all the other "magical" traits, it is almost shocking how similar the experiences are.

[Fourth Wall]: I encourage anyone who would like to lose the fear of death—who would like to "live as a Soul"—to read this book.

Cooling Down With The King

A Sign

A Sign

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MiracleLog #Soul

January 20, 2015 10:07 AM

I woke up at 3am and my mind wouldn’t let me go—once again I’m back in Florida, feeling as if all the weight and responsibility of my parents’ well-being is on my shoulders. I did some quick calculations and realized that over the last seven years, these trips back to Florida have probably cost me three years of my expected life span—critical gas gauge of death dollars lost, not in expenses, but in lost consulting income.

Frustrated with the past and my current situation, I gave up trying to sleep at 6am and wasn’t surprised when I had to wait three minutes for traffic to clear long enough for me to cross the street.

I pulled into a Burger King for some breakfast and inside, I wasn’t surprised when the guy behind the counter didn’t see me and stood there staring at his phone.

I sighed, still angry, and stepped into the bathroom and exited with wet hands because the bathroom was out of paper towels (and no hand dryer).

The guy took my order, got it wrong and just nodded when I told him they were out of paper towels.

I sat down to eat, pulled out my phone to distract myself and couldn’t connect to their WiFi.

Frustrated and angry and wet, I stopped.

I looked up.

A sign on the wall said,

Cool Down With The King

And I saw myself keel over suddenly from a brain aneurism—face planting into my coffee.

And I saw my body roll off the chair and tumble to the floor as I detached and hovered above its lifeless form.

And the anger faded as I took responsibility for my situation: That each time I went back to Florida—each time I told my client I’d have to cut back dramatically on my coding work—I had chosen to do so. I had made the decision. I had made the conscious choice. I could have held off and let my brother take care of all those family emergencies, but I didn’t—I didn’t even give him the chance. I’m responsible for my fate.

The mind—what a pain in my ass.

I looked down at my lifeless ex-body and I shook free of the little game.

I sat there and I looked around and I took a photo of the sign and I realized I’m a walking dead man—that everyone is—and that thought, as morbid as it sounds, somehow released any residual tension.

Then I walked out into the parking lot and gave an impromptu tour of my van to an RV’er from Ohio and he took some photos of my rig and was thankful and grateful and I hopped in the van, and drove to a mechanic, and I asked for an oil change and wheel alignment, and everything flowed smoothly and easily and he gave me twenty bucks off for… I don’t really know what for, but I was grateful.

The less there is of me, the more there is of Her.

Freedom From Self Concern

Old Self

Old Self

MELBOURNE, FL#Soul #Death #Remember #Technique

January 18, 2015 8:16 AM

I read over yesterday’s post and part of me was embarrassed. Not because I don’t believe it, but because some deeply embedded self-image conditioning (whatever that thing is that cares about what others think of us)—some primal archetype—would twitch, “Now you look like some whoo whoo idiot, you idiot.”

But then I saw myself detaching from this body in death and looking down at it and thinking, “Does any of the Wayne-stuff matter to you now? Concern for Wayne? Wayne’s self image? Wayne’s trying or goals or hopes or actions?”

Not. One. Bit.

Eternal me could care less about the Wayne-thing’s imaginary problems.
This simple shift in perspective, from this primal Self archetype (the Wayne-thing) to Eternal me, released the embarrassment and filled me with an expansive and joyful feeling of “I don’t care.”

Not “I don’t care about other people or nature or the world”—not apathy—but a wonderful “I don’t care about this silly Wayne-thing. I don’t care what the damn Wayne-thing feels.” (Damn is the right word, as the Wayne-thing feels like an unwanted burden—like something that steals the freedom and carefree nature of the me-that-lies-behind-all-this.)

The feeling of freedom felt from the deep shift from archetypical self (it’s deeper than the personal self)—from this Wayne-thing to the Eternal me—is almost as profound as stepping through the Gateless Gate. Freedom from self-concern, from self-image, from ambition, from striving, from trying, even from survival. An overwhelming, fear-inspired psychic weight is dropped.

It is the contemplation of death—visualizing your body dying and you-as-a-Soul detaching from it—that frees us from self-concern. It frees us from attachment to all this worldly stuff.

Note 1: This feels quite different—more powerful—than my pre-awakened days of living as a Soul. I don’t know why yet. Maybe it’s because the Wayne-thing no longer grips me like it use to when it was my identity (personal self). Dunno.

Note 2: I don’t think this is a permanent shift, more like a recognition of the archetype of Mortal Self. I fully expect conditioning to pull me back toward it often. Practice, Wayne. Practice, practice, practice.

The Meaning of Suffering

On The Dock of the Bay

On The Dock of the Bay

MELBOURNE, FL — #Remember #Soul #FourthWall

January 11, 2015 8:12 AM

Yesterday, I told my mother, “This morning’s insight was, ‘Suffering brings us closer to God.‘”

To which she replied “Oh, I know that.

Kind of took the wind out of my sails.

Still, for the rest of us, here’s what I posted to Michelle a few moments ago on suffering and doubts and confusion and particularly karma:

Re: Unknown (and doubts and confusion and karma): I know (but can’t prove) that I picked this life. It may not work out the way my mind’s desires want, but it will work out exactly the way that me-as-a-Soul wanted when I picked this life.

Therefore all my suffering—all the lessons suffering teaches me (the wise have their scars)—brings me closer to God Herself, since joining with the Divine is the Soul’s ultimate motivation.

[Turning to the Fourth Wall]

My belief is that (and I want to stress the word belief since, unlike the Soul and reincarnation, there is very little evidence for karma):

  • After death, we merge with the Divine
  • Even though we are Everything at that point—God Herself—our desires or attachments to our old ways rip us apart from Her
  • We (as a Soul again, separated from the Divine), find a life that helps us overcome whatever our desire/attachment was
  • We take on that life and forget our Soul-life (for maximum teaching effect)
  • We live, we die, we merge and repeat.

In other words, for spiritual seekersall our suffering was voluntarily taken on to help bring us closer to the Divine. (Exception: see the but-wait-there’s-more clause below.)

Free Special Bonus Insight: When we pick these lives, we-as-a-Soul have no way of knowing if all the suffering we’re going to go through will benefit us or not. Why? Because the Soul can’t see its own future. Sort of like when you sign up for a college course—you don’t know if it will really help you in the future or just be a waste of your time and money.

But wait, there’s more! If you act right now, you’ll receive this additional insight: I’m certain (but can’t prove or provide evidence for), that there are other reasons we come back: To help loved ones, to take a vacation-day (vacation-life), to take a thrill ride, to satisfy a fantasy….

Though reincarnation is practically a certainty, all the reasons why we reincarnate are belief material, so take them for what they’re worth.


Gazing Off Into The Distance

Gazing Off Into The Distance

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MyLove #Soul #Surrender

January 9, 2015 12:23 AM

I spent most of the morning just sitting in the park.

After the recent insight stormI feel both directionless and in doubtIs the book on Mystical Oneness what I should be doing with my last days? Is it going to be any more effective at spreading my message (Divine is real. You live forever. Less of you = more of Her…) than all the books and blogging I’ve been writing and sharing over the last 10 years (ie: practically zero)? Should I change direction? Should I throw in the Towel of Trying and just drift away into the sunset? (Quite frankly, after watching Wild yesterday, that last option has a lot of appeal.)

I even scanned through 100 People Who Changed The World for some inspiration, but didn’t get inspired. The exercise felt both grandiose and futile.

Maybe society isn’t ready for my message. Maybe what I have to say isn’t interesting enough, or tangible enough, or practical enough. Maybe there’s too much noise in the world to be heard over all the din. Maybe my message is too embarrassing for my readers to share.

What should I do with my time remaining?

I guess I just need to wait. Wait for Her whispers. Wait for some direction.

That, or just drift.

Evidence of the Soul. Shadow Material. Three Things To Remember.

Two Trees

Two Trees

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MiracleLog #Remember #Soul

01/05/2015 12:51 PM

Reader Robert, who’s a professor in his college’s department of medicine, sent me a photocopy of a magazine article by Dr. Jeffrey Long (a medical doctor), which led me to Long’s book on near death experiences (NDEs): Evidence of the Afterlife.

Long presents nine “lines of evidence” (common patterns) found in NDEs which make for some very compelling evidence that the Soul is, ironically, a fact of Life.

I’m a big fan of evidence—and evidence that says we live forever…? Well who doesn’t love that?

An odd thing that struck me right in the beginning of the book—a description of the Life Review process: It seems the purpose of the review isn’t about what happened to us as much as it is about how our actions affected others (not me-me-me, but us-us-us).

It surprised me how hard this struck me and I immediately thought of how I am often accused of being too sure of myselftoo assertive—and this hard attitude often puts the listener/reader on the defensive. It’s this “cocky hard edge” quality that feels distinctly unspiritual to me. A shadow trait no doubt. (Not surprisinglyMichelle is dealing with some serious shadow issues at the moment also.)

That hard edge of mine (assertiveness) is the Dark Archetype of self-centeredness/self-protection/self-concern embedded deep in my psyche—the elimination of which is a key reason I started this journal. That self-righteous little bastard’s a pain in my butt and I want him outta here, dammit!

Having a shadow trait brought to light—and seeing it for what it is—is very, very useful for spiritual growth and ultimately integration. In this case, integrating knowledge and wisdom WITH compassion and empathy. I want to #Remember this: To be constantly aware of how my words and actions are affecting others.

2:59 PM

As I read the last two paragraphs, it appears they are contradictory—one says I want to be rid of self-stuff (self-concern, etc.), the other says I need to integrate it.

Yet both of these statements seem true. They feel true—and since they were written spontaneously, this indicates She was involved in their writing. (Mystic or nut-job? You decide.)

[Thinking. Waiting.]

It’s the Paradox again. The self—even this damn primal, repressed, shadow self—seems to be an illusion that arises from taking the Separation side of the Paradox too seriously.

Both Oneness and Separation (archetypes) are equally true, but taking the Separation personally and seriously—as a me-identity (it’s me therefore it’s important therefore I take it seriously)—is what leads to self-concern, et al..

So what I’m saying in the second-to-last paragraph above is that I want to rid my ???… conditioning, from taking the self/Separation side so seriously.

I want to #Remember this: The self arises from taking the Separation too seriously.


The Paradox…. Separate AND One….

To surrender to the Divine (the goal of this phase of my life) isn’t to merge with Her (lose and deny the Separate), but—just like two lovers in the throes of passion—it is to make love to Her: To flow with, dance with, and embrace Her. To be separate AND one with Her.

I want to #Remember this: To live as if you are in an intimate relationship with God (I know they’re going to burn me at the stake, I just know it).

01/03/2015: The Witness of Forever

Seagulls Awhirl

Seagulls Awhirl

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #Soul #MyLove

9:24 AM

As I fell asleep last night, I wondered where I’d go when I dreamed.

In the dream, I was there, but all my memories were gone.

In the dream, I recognized my brother, but had no memory of my mother.

In the dream, I was the Witness to the whirlwind of the mind/dream.

In the dream, I felt the same as I do outside the dream.

In the dream, I had the same values.

In the dream, I was the same “me.”

Every dream I’ve ever had was like this. The whirlwind is different—just as it is in waking life—but I-as-the-still-point-in-the-center-of-the-storm am always the same. I am always the same.

I suspect it’s like this for everyone.

I’m certain that when this body dies, I-as-the-still-point will continue on. Just like in a dream. Just like in the waking state.

And just like in the dream, when I take on a new life, I’ll have no memories of my mother (or brother or anyone else from this life)… but I will still be the same. I’ll still have the same values. I’ll still feel like me.

I am the still point in the center of the ever changing Tao.

I am the Witness of Forever.

Everyone is.

The whirlwinds are different, the center of our storms are located in different places, but we’re all the same—a still point amidst the ever changing Tao.

We’re all Witnesses of Forever.

At the center of our whirlwinds, we are all the eyes of TaoGodHer perceiving Herself.

01/01/2015: The Fleeting

A Rainy Day View

A Rainy Day View

MELBOURNE, FL — #Soul #MyLove

12:44 PM

It’s all temporary. Nothing is worth taking seriously. It’s all fleeting and will soon return to the Source—to TaoGodHer.

I thought the above as I walked through the parking lot to pick up some supplies. I know it sounds morbid, but when you live forever, you learn to appreciate these little moments—these little things.

Recognizing my eternity while observing the temporary. How can one not see the Beauty?

The Joy of Eternal Being… I’m finding it to be an excellent practice.