The Trials

Seeing the Tree thru Obstacles

Seeing the Tree thru Obstacles

MELBOURNE, FL — #Surrender #FourthWall #Technique

February 20, 2015 11:03 AM

My intention was to work on my taxes this morning but I ended up working on the book instead.

In the book, I’m addressing the Trials phase of awakening, how—as the personal self fades and TaoGodHer becomes an active participant in the Mystic’s life—She puts the seeker through a series of tests. Tests and trials that are designed to help the newbie Mystic learn the power of surrender—of flowing with Her Will—and the consequences when Her Will is ignored.

In the book, I used these blog posts as examples of how I finally came to learn this painful lesson:

Michelle is going through a tough time, and I suspect it is part of her Trials phase—that she’s being taught the art of Surrender and Flow.

If you’re life isn’t flowing, then there’s egoic fear (me-me-me) involved in the mix somewhere (either your’s or someone else’s).

Flowing—the art of Divinely guided, stress-free, effortless living—is not about going in the direction that you want to go, but in the direction that TaoGodHer wants you to go.

It’s not at all easy—and it often takes a tremendous amount of faith—but it is, eventually, very rewarding.

A List of Truths and Practices

"Please Don't Eat Our Trash Can"

“Please Don’t Eat Our Trash Can”

MELBOURNE, FL — #Surrender #Technique #Remember #FourthWall

February 15, 2015 2:14 PM

This morning, I did a little research for the book, trying to find some quotes from Mystics about evidence of the Divine. After about an hour, I had only found a couple. Maybe I’m using the wrong search terms.

Later, in the van, I made a sandwich and a list. The idea is a single, short document—a list of truths and practices—that I can review every day to remind my mind of some key things I want to #Remember:

  • Commune with God. Idea from St. Teresa of Avila. I’ve been very passive about my communion with Her, maybe it’s time to be a little more proactive.
  • Surrender your will to this moment/Her. Amazing how difficult this is to remember.
  • Expect good things to happen. This is one of the implications of God (the less there is of me, the more there is of Her, …). Hat tip Dave.
  • The insignificance of thoughts. Seriously, everyone I saw today will have at least a thousand of them. How many will they act on? How many will come true?

To the readers: I suggest you make your own List of Truths and Practices based on your personal spiritual issues. Try to limit it to the top five stumbling blocks which consistently trip you up. Edit it as necessary to keep it fresh and applicable to your current stage of development.

Thoughts Interrupted

You could buy more than four of my rigs for this price.

You could buy (and outfit) more than four of my rigs for this price.

MELBOURNE, FL — #Surrender

February 13, 2015 3:43 PM

Some thoughts which arose this morning (typed earlier as they came up), before I got busy with helping the folks out. How do normal nine-to-fiver’s grow spiritually? Once I get pulled into the Mortal realm and all its drama, it’s difficult to pursue these whispers…

  • Not knowing WHY I chose not to have breakfast with folks.
  • Then no internet meant I could sit and watch people rushing to work and caught up in their “pursuit of happiness.”
  • Am I wrong that the purpose of life is to find our way back to HER? Evidence says that either Man has forgotten this (gotten distracted by LOVE FOR STUFF) or SHE doesn’t want to interfere. Probably AND not OR.
  • Meditation of Light Column failure: Mind kept drifting and I/Consciousness FOLLOWED that drift rather than bringing focus back to the meditation.
  • Is it possible for I/Consciousness to CONTROL the mind? Either way, what are the implications of this?
  • Mind like polarized lens. Needs to align with the Light. What did this image mean?
  • What are you holding onto (Zen’s monkey trapped by own paw/hand trying to pull a coconut from a jar)? My coconut is the SELF (self-concern, self-awareness, self-centeredness, …).
  • How does the (Adya’s transcendent) SELF let go of the SELF?

It’s not a big deal that I get pulled away from these thoughts to help out. I enjoy helping out and surrender is a big part of my practice. It’s just amazing how much further the devoted spiritual seeker could progress if they didn’t have to deal so much with all the distractions of making a living/pursuit of “happiness.”

Regardless, the above bullet points suggest the Tide is returning.

Waiting for the Tide



MELBOURNE, FL — #Surrender

February 12, 2015 2:40 PM

The tide is currently out, spiritually, and I await its return.

There’s an ebb to my being—a kind of hollow nothingness. I’m not feeling particularly connected, yet I’m not lost in the ego/mind either. I’m just floating in the doldrums, doing minor mortal level stuff: Driving Mom to the doctor, waiting in waiting rooms, tweaking little things on the van, working on the book, watching people watching their phones, sitting in the park feeding the birds, reading, meditating, …and waiting. Always waiting.

Just doing what needs to be done… just typical Mortal level stuff while I await the Tide’s return.

How I Accept What Is

The Future Uncertain

The Future Uncertain

MELBOURNE, FL — #LivingIt #Surrender

February 7, 2015 11:18 AM

I’m starting to ponder a route. Mom’s first cataract surgery went well and she’s got 20/30 vision out of her new eye. She’s not comfortable driving (yet?) because of the depth perception issue, and popping the old lens out of her old frames didn’t help as much as I would have expected, so I’ll be chauffeuring her around for a bit.

I often use my day-to-day life as a bellwether for my spiritual development. In contemplating my current situation, I’ve noticed I’ve no desire to change what’s happening, nor to hurry the schedule, nor to manipulate events to work in my favor. Though I’d like to be back on the road, I’ve no interest in proactively making that happen.

I’m not clear on exactly why this is. It isn’t as if I’ve been practicing acceptance, nor even criticizing myself for the lack thereof (“You should be more accepting.”)

I can think of a couple things though, things which have led to an almost effortless acceptance of what is:

  • The focus on seeing through the subtle self archetypes (self-concern, self-protection, self-centeredness, …). This repeated seeing-and-dropping these subtle knots of self-contraction leads to a sense of “self-apathy” which feels tremendously freeing and open while at the same time both disconcerting and directionless. Kind of a “he’s so free he doesn’t know where to go or what to do” situation.
  • Faith. In my conversations with Dave, he kept stressing trust, and I’m in total agreement with him on this—that She will provide both benefits and guidance at the appropriate times. Where we disagree though, is that I feel She’s got a specific purpose in mind for me. (With the duplex personality, it’s practically impossible to say where She ends and I begin, so this purpose also feels like a sort of karmic destiny.) I have no evidence of a plan (but I don’t have any evidence to the contrary either), it’s just a gut feeling. Still, this feeling—this faith that there’s a plan in the works—makes it much easier to surrender my will and desires and attachments. The old, “thy will be done,” and all.

This ongoing uncertainty is very disconcerting, but the faith I have that She’s got a plan makes dropping any self-centered artificial “purposes” all the easier. My faith in Her removes any pressure to “do something.”

Note: This directionless with faith has a distinctly different feel to it than the directionless feeling I had soon after my initial awakening. This one feels like there is a wind blowing, it’s just that I don’t know where it is blowing me to.


Uncharted Waters

Uncharted Waters

MELBOURNE, FL — #FourthWall #Emptiness #NoSelf #Radiance #Surrender

January 29, 2015 8:11 AM

From some of his comments and assertive emails, I had expected him to be a Fundamental Nondualist—a man who rationalized “enlightenment” and was determined to point out all the errors of my ways—but I was pleasantly surprised when we met up at a local Panera Bread and Dave began relating events from his past—one synchronistic event after another—and arriving at the same conclusion that I had: that synchronicity implies God.

Dave is more stable, more advanced in the Emptiness quality than I—the vastness taking center-stage in his awareness. He reminded me of the mysterious Jed McKenna with his rational, determined approach. Even Dave’s methodology is similar to McKenna’s: to throw yourself into understanding something—to immerse yourself in it—until you arrive at its deepest core truth (“if A then B and B leads to C and C means …”).

Unlike McKenna though, Dave is far more humble. Full of yang, active, determined energy, yes, but he’s not stuck on himself as McKenna is. I suspect this is due more to Dave’s understanding of the Divine—of the implications of the Divine—than to his original, birth nature.

He said he had a message for me, apologetically though, as he knew how pompous that sounded, yet still feeling driven to tell me—to go out of his way to meet me and tell me. But I’m far more comfortable with these situations—-when the interests of the mind conflict with Her whispers—so I fully understood.

He got all serious and he told me his message—but after he told me, I promptly forgot it. This is a common quality of Shadow information—that the conscious mind rejects what it isn’t ready to hear—and because both he and Michelle and I have each been hit with Shadow material recently, I suspect there are layers within it that I’m not ready for.

I wrote him back this morning, asking him to restate it. His message, word-for-word:

Her vast unactualized knowing with no agenda and the world “because” of her, an entangled ball of light.

[Fourth Wall]: I suspect that this message isn’t just for me, so I present it above verbatim.

In a powerful vision he had (similar to mine a few months after my initial awakening), he related how—struggling with the new-found powers of almost miraculous manifestation (wish fulfillment) that comes from this level of development—he asked Her what She wanted from him and She laughed (at his arrogance?) and said, “I created you,” and kicked him “out of the womb.”

[Fourth Wall]: I struggled with this Messiah Complex too for a few months after awakening, subtly still do I suppose, but I expect everyone who gets to this level does—when whatever you wish for practically always and magically appears.

I take his message combined with his vision to mean (though I’m not sure I agree with it, but this is Dave’s story, so I’ll relate it) that She doesn’t need us to do Her bidding, that She is fully capable of handling things all on Her own thank-you very much, and maybe I (Wayne) need to re-examine my assumption that there is an express purpose for me (from his comments above of no agenda and being laughed at).

Dave doesn’t blog because he say’s he has a hard time articulating his thoughts and experiences. Because there was so much to relate in so little time (he knows everything about me, but I knew next to nothing about him), he dumped a lot of information on me and I could very well be completely wrong on his point.

Oddly enough, what I did hear loud and clear, was a recurring theme of trust. Trust that She’s got the back of anyone who is willing to surrender to Her. Trust that, though we may never fully understand Her will or intentions, that She’s got our best long term interests at heart as long as we’re willing to get out of Her way (surrender control).

Not surprisingly, as I was composing this post, I received another email from Dave:

I feel if you believe you may suffer in some future circumstance that may well come to pass. If you Trust that you won’t you won’t. You will never be able to let go of that pole if you don’t trust.

[Fourth Wall]: The pole he was referring to was from my vision: Where I held onto a vertical pole (like a fireman’s sliding pole) as I stepped into a column of Light (Her). My entire body was vaporized completely—all but the hand that tightly gripped the pole. I have long regretted that I was too afraid to let go and dissolve fully and absolutely into Her… and that I have never had the opportunity to be “tested” again since then.

As it was getting time to depart, and as it had happened with ErikI/She/We gave Dave some unsolicited advice: To open his heart more, not to explain himself (as the rational is wont to do), but to love others through actions. (The focus on Emptiness bypasses many of the joys of Radiance, and without Love—Love manifest in the world—what’s the point of all this wisdom?) I/She/We could feel his resistance and I (the Wayne-thing) felt uncomfortable with offering it, but Dave sent the following email later in the evening:

Yep. Great insight. I have been very guarded with the love. I knew that and am careful with it because I cry whenever I go there. Almost a sadness.

For the lack of love in the world and when I see it, I miss it and I cry. Not that I am not loved, I have much support in my life, but love itself. I am going to open up a bit and see if I can go there without walking around with a box of tissues. Thanks.

[Fourth Wall]: Before you go thinking Dave’s some wussy milquetoast, he’s an ex-merchant marine with a tough sounding Massachusetts accent.

And then this email, which I found far more rewarding (his wife is not in to this stuff):

Wife came home and sat beside me.

First words out of her mouth, “You seem different.” So out of character for her to say that. I will roll with it.

As I said, Dave’s more advanced than I am in the Emptiness quality—but in Radiance? Not a chance.

At least, not yet. 🙂


End of NonAbusers

End of NonAbusers

MELBOURNE, FL#Journaling #Surrender

January 19, 2015 9:07 AM

I closed a few moments ago due to a lack of public interest. It’s a shame it didn’t take off, but I received a lot from the experience.

It was my attachment to NonAbusers success that instigated the creation of this journal and my current spiritual focus (the surrender of self interest and concern). In the short time I’ve been journaling here—in focusing on these issues—I’ve noticed a dramatic softening of my… center, so I’m grateful for that.

She works in mysterious ways.



Gazing Off Into The Distance

Gazing Off Into The Distance

MELBOURNE, FL — #Death #MyLove #Soul #Surrender

January 9, 2015 12:23 AM

I spent most of the morning just sitting in the park.

After the recent insight stormI feel both directionless and in doubtIs the book on Mystical Oneness what I should be doing with my last days? Is it going to be any more effective at spreading my message (Divine is real. You live forever. Less of you = more of Her…) than all the books and blogging I’ve been writing and sharing over the last 10 years (ie: practically zero)? Should I change direction? Should I throw in the Towel of Trying and just drift away into the sunset? (Quite frankly, after watching Wild yesterday, that last option has a lot of appeal.)

I even scanned through 100 People Who Changed The World for some inspiration, but didn’t get inspired. The exercise felt both grandiose and futile.

Maybe society isn’t ready for my message. Maybe what I have to say isn’t interesting enough, or tangible enough, or practical enough. Maybe there’s too much noise in the world to be heard over all the din. Maybe my message is too embarrassing for my readers to share.

What should I do with my time remaining?

I guess I just need to wait. Wait for Her whispers. Wait for some direction.

That, or just drift.

After The Storm

Mystical Hooters

Mystical Hooters

MELBOURNE, FL — #HealingThing #LivingIt #Surrender

01/07/2015 2:53 PM

After breakfast, feeling quite directionless but calm, I poked around on my new book on Mystical Oneness then went over to see Dad. He seems to be doing well and I can’t see them keeping him much longer.

The Storm of Insights that I’ve been “suffering” from seems to have abated. I’ve come to see these storms as a pattern—insight after mysterious insight roaring through me to the point of being almost overwhelming and then… gone.

The storm, like all storms, will eventually return, but for now I’m grateful for the respite.

I found myself at a Hooters, which surprised me. When my waitress asked if I wanted another beer (two is my limit), I said wait, and I flipped my coin and I had another beer, which prolonged my stay. I’m not complaining—you can’t beat the views—but I was a little confused until my waitress told me that one of her friends was just diagnosed with melanoma.

Even though it surely made me look like a nutcase to a beautiful woman, I didn’t hesitate (nor care), and told her I’ve had some luck with curing cancer and to give her friend my card. I’m not sure my explanation—the less there is of us the more there is of the Divine—convinced her enough to pass on my info to her friend, but really, there’s only so much you can do.

I left and soon got the following email from Erik, whom I met a few days ago:

Hey Wayne,

Arrived back home here in N.E. Ohio Monday just in time for the arctic blast that’s taken over. Left Orlando in mid-70s, even sweating a good bit on the plane before they turned the air on, and landed in Akron to 12 degrees, with night time lows this week around zero. And all the while missing 50s and even some 60s here while I was gone, gotta love it.

Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for the meeting and the great chat. I was floored a bit when I saw the post you did about our meeting, very honored to have made the blog in such a way. Nice cover graphic you chose as well!

After we parted I made my way to the beach, and was all alone when a family cleared out after a little while. The light of the almost full moon, peaking through the clouds, made the crest of the incoming waves to shore look surreal, like they were made of liquid shining glass. That along with the sound, which again I rarely get to hear live, and a slight misty drizzle, made for a very beautiful experience I’ll probably remember for the rest of my life. I relaxed and just let it all the beauty sink in for a while and went back to Mt. Dora.

Since then I’ve noticed a slight shift in my awareness where I’m witnessing my life from a slightly detached perspective fairly often throughout my day. As if I’m watching myself in a movie. It’s definitely helped me be calmer, more relaxed, and flow through my day smoother. I hope to expand on this perspective, play with it, and see what develops. I have you to thank for that.

Also, I wanted to let you know that since we seemed to have such similar viewpoints on ontology, etc., and I like your term “Rational Mystic” so much, that I changed my religious views section for my Facebook profile from my jumble of “isms” to that term, if you don’t mind. FB had then created a page for that term under the category of religion. Although there is a more complete one for “Rational Mysticism” and seems close, but not quite the same thing to me. The page let’s you fill out a description and add a picture. I had taken the liberty of uploading one of your favorites from your old site, which is still pending approval.

Then I thought I shouldn’t really go any farther and let you know about the page in case you’d like to upload a pic you want, and fill out the description, add links, or delete it all, whatever you’d like. I just figured it might be a nice little “explanation page” that could lead people to your work(s). Then a movement starts, a large following develops, egos get outta control, and before you know it we’re all in the jungle some place drinking Kool-Aid before the govt comes for us all! Oh wait, didn’t that happen already? 😉

Lastly, saw that you compiled and released your first eBook for the new blog. I’d like to cast my vote for making them seasonal/quarterly. Just seems to fit better to me vs. monthly, and the reader might see it as getting more for their .99 cents.

Keep doing the transparent/showing it all thing on the blog, loving it. As you said, I don’t comment often, but I always be reading it and probably getting the eBook compilations to read on my phone anywhere.


Thanks Erik. Have at the FB page, I’m more interested in creating than marketing, so run with it.

PS: And thanks for your generous donation.

Cliff’s Notes

MELBOURNE, FL — #Remember #MiracleLog #Surrender

01/06/2015 3:25 PM


Shadow Lessons

  • The Butt Guy: Enjoy yourself. You’ll be dead in a couple years.
  • The Groin Guy: Relationships are too complicated and distracting right now.
  • The Belly Guy: You’ll never be great—only good. You’ll never be a huge success—but you will help a few people.
  • The Heart/Anima: Love heals all. Love is wise. Trust it.
  • The Throat Guy: They’ll never fully understand you.
  • The Head Guy: You’ll wear yourself out trying to understand all the insights She sends you.
  • The Crown Guy/Eternal-I: All’s well. It always has been. It always will be.
  • Dolphin cresting the water directly in front of me as I typed this summary line: There’s Magic here. Let go. Surrender to Me. Join Me.