December 10, 2014

Behind The Projection Room Door

Behind The Projection Room Door

MELBOURNE, FL #Technique #Death #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #NoSelf … and the wisdom of complete and utter failure.

8:38 AM

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

The Eternal Loving Awareness… I know that this is what I am—what everyone is—but how do you take it from knowing to being?

I’m not interested in theories—I’ve heard them all. I’m interested in evidence.

What evidence do I have? What experiences have changed my being in the past?

(thinking)

(thinking)

My initial awakening.

Though I knew everything I needed to know (“You are just thoughts. If you can experience it, it isn’t you.”) it didn’t become a part of my being until…

(thinking)

(thinking)

… until I gave everything I had (“I’ll sit here until that damn frog moves.”)…

… and I failed.

(“How can the frog sit so peacefully for so long and I can’t? The frog has no thoughts. What are these thoughts that are driving me crazy? What am I but a bunch of thoughts? …”)

The lived experience and the failure made the theories real (“I am not these thoughts. Thoughts are just noise inside of me. ‘Wayne Wirs’ is just a bunch of inner noise.”).

The scars of the failure (“The smart have their books, the wise have their scars.”) changed my very being.

(Re-reading what I just wrote.)

Dare I say, the emotional scars of my failure? I was on the Gas Gauge of Death. I was going to kill myself in a few months. I was giving it my all to get as far as I could in this life in preparation for my next and I still failed.

My failure (failure at finding enlightenment, failure at even beating a stupid frog at a meditation challenge) was a huge blow to my ego.

It broke me.

That failure, that blow to my ego, shattered the ‘Wayne Wirs’ story—the personal self. It destroyed the belief that I was my history, my past, my roles (“I am such a smart guy”) and my thoughts (“I know it all”). That failure destroyed “me” and it humbled what was left. That failure broke me.

So back to the original questions:

How do you change your heart? How do you change your being?

What I knowI am the Eternal (Soul) Loving (Radiance) Awareness (Emptiness).

I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.

  1. I must constantly remember this. “I am the Eternal Loving Awareness.” I must meditate on it. I must repeat it and contemplate it constantly until the thought becomes embedded into my subconsciousness like the song I See You is stuck in my head.
  2. I must constantly apply it. I must attempt to live as the Eternal Loving Awareness… No. That’s wrong—I must not attempt to be it, I must reveal it. While going about my day-to-day life, I must be consistently aware of what I am—and have always been as far back as I can remember—the constant and unchanged thing that I really am: The Eternal Loving Awareness1.
  3. and I must learn from my failures (scars). Why did I fail? What is it that is pulling me away from the Eternal (“constant and unchanging…”) Loving Awareness (“…thing that I really am”)?

How do I change my heart? How do I change my very being?

The answer, ironically, is that I must break what is already broken—what is already flawed: I must break the me-thing.

The smart have their books and the wise have their scars and the less there is of identifying with the me-thing the more there is of the Eternal Loving Awareness.


  1. The constant, unchanged thing that I really am, is what Adyashanti calls the eternal still point within you

December 4, 2014

A Simpler Way of Life

A Simpler Way of Life

WILDLIFE MURDER AREA, MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, FL #MiracleLog #Technique #Radiance #NoSelf … and the blank slate experience.

6:41 AM

In order to reveal the eternal impersonal Love/Light, what I was doing last night was to practice what I tell Michelle to practice: Pull away the portal/ego contraction and drop it.

I’m feeling this isn’t the proper technique for post-awakening though. Post awakening is to love the Dark entity (portal/ego/Devil), not to drop it.

I think that was why She provided the archetype/entities insight recently.

Pre-awakening, I stand behind the dropping of the portal/ego. Synchronistically (of course), this is supported by the Adyashanti book I’m reading (which I didn’t find until after the insight into the archetype entities): Jesus didn’t try to love and integrate the Devil at the end of his 40 day fast, Jesus was in battle with him. Pre-crucified Jesus was in constant conflict with his Devil and society and religious leaders. That conflict strengthened his awakening.

Adyashanti calls this the trials and tribulations phase of the awakening process, not just because of the Jesus story, but because he’s seen it repeatedly with members of his audience. Long time followers of my blogs know I go though these trials and tribulations all the time, so I’m inclined to believe this is the norm, not the exception. This may not be the enlightenment as put forth by the stage-presence-as-a-permanent-fixture of most of today’s spiritual teachers. No, the evidence seems to support the conflict-to-make-our-awakening-stronger theory is both true and is an expected and necessary part of the awakening process.

So pre-awakening, pull that sucker (ego contraction) away and drop it. Constantly repeating this will make your Radiance/Emptiness qualities stronger and the whole process easier as time goes on.

8:11 AM

I sit in the van’s doorway and eat my breakfast while gazing out at the river and contemplating how amazing the “coincidence” is that She’s guided me back to Florida—to family and society—at the exact time that I need it. I started this journal because I felt the need for change, then days later—even though I hadn’t come up with a clear plan or practice for that change—She pushed me to Florida knowing I’d get it all worked out before then.

Amazing.

I can’t just think about this stuff, I have to live it. All the theory in the world is just vapor-ware until it is applied.

The timing was perfect. The theory and practices (integrating the “entities,” using contracted feelings as a guide) had been put into place just days before hitting the home front (probably Saturday, two days from now).

What you need, when you need it. More evidence of the Divine.

3:23 PM

I’ve stopped in either a wildlife “management” (read “murder”) area or a conservation area depending on which map you read. Having mysteriously lost an hour of my life due to some buggy time glitch they have around here, I decided to call it a day before I lost even more.

The drive along the Emerald Coast of Florida is really beautiful. The area around Apalachicola reminds me of the Florida Keys of my youth (before everyone moved there). Lots of ocean/bay views, old clapboard houses, a laid back tourist vibe without the selling out to commercialism that is so common to tourist towns these days. Friendly people. I like this area.

On the drive, I was practicing loving the Dark Archetype (as mentioned above), but that was feeling too forced. What seemed to work best was to pull the portal/Darkness/me-thing away (a la Radiance practice) and then enfolding it in the Light Archetype—sort of like hugging it. That felt both easier and more natural. I’m sure it is some sort of shadow work, but for archetypes rather than personal repressed unconscious material (what shadow work usually addresses). Whatever. It works and leaves me feeling open and free and oddly happy-blank-slate-ish—like any personality could be imprinted onto… onto… damn, isn’t that weird? Onto this something.

How cool is that? It’s almost like a psychic/spiritual/personality erasing. There is something there—something similar to a blank slate—but I don’t know what it is. What are you when you erase you?

November 30, 2014

Fall in Southern Alabama

Fall in Southern Alabama

PENSACOLA, FL #Technique #Emptiness #Radiance … and a distinct lack of solitude.

12:16 PM

I headed out early and, when I grew tired, pulled over for a nap somewhere south of Daphne, ALOn the drive down, I focused on “that which is unchanged” as mentioned yesterday from Adya’s book. It’s a powerful practice and useful for accessing Emptiness, but it does take you away from the feel of Her.

Still, it’s a very useful practice. In many ways it feels almost like a combination of my HDI theory and Radiance—that “You” are a hole that God is poking through from His/Her higher dimension into this 3 dimensional world. That hole-as-You is the constant, unchanging thing.

4:56 PM

Well, I’m officially back in Florida. One of the things I don’t like about this state (and I’m allowed to dis it since I’m a native), is that it is practically impossible to get away from people. Out west, it is simple to spend an entire week without seeing another soul, but in my entire Florida residency, I don’t remember ever finding solitude for even a day (other than if you stay shut in at home). Oh well. We all have our crosses to bear.

November 26, 2014

Fall Fallen

Fall Fallen

E OF MONTICELLO, AR #MyLove #Technique #Surrender #MiracleLog … and Spiral Dynamics.

4:20 PM

While I thought I’d take a day off from traveling, I found myself breaking camp and just went with it. While driving, I put the song I See You on repeat and focused on feeding the Love/Her archetype that I “discovered” yesterday (I invented the Internet too).

Powerful practice. It’s the details—the thoughts—which screw us up. If we could just focus on Love/Her as a living thing—as an invisible but shared commonality to all life (and feed that living thing by giving it our attention)—I believe humanity’s spiritual development would accelerate rapidly.

Earlier I had sent Nathan a link to Ken Wilber’s take on Spiral Dynamics. I hadn’t read up on this since the late ’90s when I was trying to piece all this stuff together (and trying to go from SD’s Green level to Yellow). What I found interesting this morning was the last part of the description of the Turquoise level:

Turquoise thinking uses the entire Spiral; sees multiple levels of interaction; detects harmonics, the mystical forces, and the pervasive flow-states that permeate any organization. 0.1% of the population, 1% of the power.

I never understood this back in the ’90s but now it’s pretty much my day-to-day life:

  • multiple levels of interaction: AND’s not OR’s
  • the mystical forces: Her and synchronicites
  • the pervasive flow-states: Less of “you” results in a flowing life

What’s also interesting is that the second tier levels are reflections of first tier levels just from a transpersonal perspective (Yellow is the transpersonal version of Beige, Turquoise of Purple, Coral of Red, …) and that the levels alternate between self-centric and social-centric (me -> us -> me -> us -> me -> …).

My point being that my recent Us-centric Turquoise (spiritual teacher) development has shifted to a more Me-centric Coral level (surrendering myself to Her). Note: The Coral level isn’t listed on the link above, but can be found on other sites.

This recent Me-centricity is all about my strong desire to rid myself of anything that stands between me and Her—very primal Red level stuff (me/ego) but seen from a transpersonal view (me/Her). Ie: A “do-or-die” “battle for” and “demand” to “surrender” my self-concern and self-will to a “Power God” (words in quotes reflect Red’s war-like terminology).

So my mysterious actions of late are starting to make more sense—they’re just a natural progression (albeit rare) of a recognized pattern of spiritual development.

Whew. I knew I wasn’t crazy.

5:51 PM

A funny/weird coincidence: As I was uploading this post to the website, my MiFi device (used to get me online in my travels) changed its status color from flashing green (4G) to solid red. I’ve never seen the red light before which just adds to the odds-defying nature of the “I was just writing about the Red and Coral levels of Spiral Dynamics.” Weird but true.