12/21/2014: Spiritual Practice and the Distractions of Normal Life

Lone Wave on a Still Sea

Lone Wave on a Still Sea

VERO BEACH, FL — #VanDwelling #FourthWall

10:25 AM

I was reading through some of the older posts of this journal, and what amazes me is just how difficult it is to remember to practice while living a Normal Life. I’ve long had the core practices down (EternalRadianceEmptiness) but it is the subtler practices which are tricky to remember. To practice surrendering and merging, to practice the Archetypes, to practice dying before dying, ….

Normal Life just has so many things to distract the mind—to distract the attention. How is one supposed to grow spiritually with all this noise?

The more time I spend in Normal Life, the more convinced I become that solitude is the way to grow, while Normal Life is the way to integrate

Something to be said for monasteries… or that spiritual mobile community idea.

Deep spiritual development is definitely more conducive to the nomadic lifestyle since you can switch between Normal Life and Solitude at will and as needed.

[Addressing the Fourth WallI’m sure you could do something similar in a fixed-positional dwelling (read normal home) if you had the right job (online, retired, or wealthy) and understanding friends and family (“I’m currently in solitude-mode. Please do not disturb me.”). This might sound odd to them at first, but think, “She’s just being Phoebe,” and maybe it could be do-able.

12/20/2014: A Road Trip and a Resolution

Egrets on the Hunt

Egrets on the Hunt

VALKARIA, FL — #VanDwelling

10:04 AM

I sit in the van, watching the ducks, grebes, and other waterfowl float upon the quiet and still Indian River. Even though cars and trucks pass by not 20 feet from the van, it’s still quite pleasant here. With no appointments on the agenda nor pressing tasks to help out with, I headed out after breakfast to idly explore the area for a day or two.

It’s moments like these that I am so appreciative of the freedom that van dwelling provides: No plan, no destination, no reservations, no concerns… and a home wherever I go.

I had an odd thought last night as I lay in bed: If the world only had a thousand people in it, the news outlets (TV, print, online) would still be filled with violence and tragedy and misery. The news media would still make the world appear like it was a horrible place to live.

Thinking back, I have personally witnessed less than a handful of newsworthy violent events over the course of my entire life. I see three times that many in a single night of watching the news.

With only a thousand people on this planet, the news would still be filled with violence.

The news is a massive exaggeration of Reality. Even with only a thousand people on the planet, Man would still do unspeakable horrors to his fellow Man. Society will always have violence, but I so rarely see or experience this violence first-hand that it’s not worth my time, psychic energy, or inner peace. I don’t want to stick my head in the sand, but I do want to be realistic. The news is not a realistic view of Reality.

My New Year’s Resolution: No intentional news consumption.

I’ll get my bad news the old fashioned way: Word of mouth.

December 14, 2014

Blogging While Burning DVDs

Blogging While Burning DVDs

MELBOURNE, FL #VanDwelling #Radiance #NoSelf … and spiritual community and rational mysticism.

9:37 AM

I’m taking the day “mostly off” from family obligations, though I will be having dinner with Mom later. I do think that a life filled with social contact is not conducive to spiritual growth and development: Too many distractions; too many beliefs by others pushed upon us as truths; too much energy spent defending and discussing our beliefs; too much conflict; too much social preparation; too much confusionNone of these are factors while in solitude.

Still, social contact is important for the application (lived aspect) and shoring up of our spiritual development.

One of the things that some full-time RV’ers do when they hang out together is to place a flag outside their rig to indicate to others if—at the moment—they are open to socializing or not.

I think I’d do something similar if I were to hold spiritual retreats or start a spiritual community/commune. Just like in isolation, there wouldn’t be any set schedule or classes. No fixed periods of silence or meditation. Everyone is free to do what they want but must respect each other’s “in solitude flag” (ie: wearing a yellow shirt or something). This way people can still reap the benefits of solitude (meditation, contemplation, communion with nature, …) AND the benefits of a group of like-minded seekers (safety concerns, dialog, shared meals and resources, …).

Maybe a morning or evening, come-if-you-want community discussion/sharing/gathering to act as an anchor (something many communal RV-er’s also do).

1:26 PM

In Resurrecting Jesus, Adya describes self as…

…the act of consciousness turning back upon itself and reflecting within. That self-reflection is what self is. Self is not a thing; it’s literally the act of consciousness turning back and looking within.

And then…

…by the time self begins to fall away, your sense of self is radiant.

One of the reason I am drawn to exploring spirituality first hand and finding out experientially (rather than just reading about it) is to develop a deep sense of knowing (not just belief). For years I’ve been describing Radiance as an outward flowing Love and Light and the me-thing as an inward flowing contraction.

When I run across evidence—previously unknown to me—that supports my findings, it adds an incredible feeling of truth to my theories and experiences. I’m not talking about truth to convince my readersbut truth to convince and ease any doubts inside of meUnexpected evidence that I stumble across (mysteriously often I might add), helps these experiences go from feeling like belief and theories into something that feels more like fact and truth.

Adya’s description of self—though he uses different terminology—is practically identical to my experiences (which I’ve documented for years) of outward flowing Radiance and the inward flowing contraction of the me-thing.

Though we’ve come at it from two different directions and backgrounds, we’ve arrived at the same conclusions. This is powerful evidence.

If you’re going to be a mystic, be a rational one.

PS: What I find particularly useful about his description of self is that he focuses on it as a movement rather than (as I am wont to do) as a entity. Focusing on self as a movement helps de-personalize it.

December 9, 2014

Crows Alight

Crows Alight

MELBOURNE, FL #MiracleLog #VanDwelling … and the regular occurrences of the bizarrely unlikely.

9:37 AM

I’m sitting in a Barnes & Noble and just a moment ago, when I went to the counter to pay for some Christmas cards, the cashier said, “Do you have a Barnes…?” and just then all the lights flickered and I said, “No” and he said, “Man, that was weird. All the registers and lights just blinked out except this one” and I said, “Stuff like this happens to me all the time” and he said, “You’re one lucky dude because all the other registers are reseting and it will take them like five minutes but this one is fine” and I said, “Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m serious, this stuff happens to me all the time” and I sat down in the cafe to document it here because this sort of stuff does happen all the time, so much so that I’ll forget about it otherwise because the bizarrely unlikely is such a regular occurrence in my life that I simply don’t think about it much anymore.

3:33 PM

I’ve parked the van in the sun to absorb some vital e-juice. It’s been overcast for the last week and my battery bank was down to 65%. I’m up to 85% now and if tomorrow is sunny, I should be able to top it off. The park is infested with both crows and flies and while the crows tend to stay outside the rig, the flies don’t. I try never to kill anything, so I chased them out (the flies) by whipping a towel around like a cowboy with his lasso, herding them out the windows and door. It worked surprisingly well.

Earlier today we had a meeting with the staff about Dad’s progress in the rehab center. He’s doing well and improving and isn’t driving them too crazy yet but it doesn’t look like they’ll let him out of there until around Christmas.

Some condo commandos decided they don’t like my van, so I’m officially banned from parking there at night. People who live outside the box often appear frightening or sinister to the masses who live inside boxes. I think that’s a one-way street though, as the inside-the-boxers don’t appear frightening or sinister to those on the outside. Probably a spiritual message in there somewhere. The management, upon hearing why I was there, did offer me an out-of-the-way spot where the RV’s are parked (for free even), so there’s that.

December 6, 2014

Drowsy Lifeguard

Drowsy Lifeguard

MELBOURNE, FL #VanDwelling #NoSelf … and beach towns.

10:41 AM

I’ve hit the official east coast of Florida and am currently pitstopped in Ormond Beach. I’m surprised that it is so empty here, even though it is a Saturday and the weather is really pleasant. I guess this is still Spring Break seasonal territory and not the typical Thanksgiving to Easter season of the Florida further south.

Free parking, free beaches, free showers… I could see this being a van dweller’s paradise.

I should hit the folks place this afternoon, so this will be a short post as I doubt I’ll have time later.

They say spending time with family is the true test of spiritual development. I honestly don’t foresee that as a problem (though it used to be a biggie).

I’ll know soon enough.

1:03 PM

While driving, I realized something: I was happy. Happier than I can ever remember. What is odd is that there is no reason for this happiness. I’m happier than the one time I was engaged (because it was countered with fear). Happier than when I first woke up (because I was so disoriented from the new “territory”).

I’m just happy. Not because of anything. It is happiness without any object. It’s pure.

I’m sure it has to do with the Archetypes—with the engulfing of the Dark (self) by the Light (Love).

I’ve also realized that I haven’t judged anyone in the last few days. Even the criticism I mentioned yesterday wasn’t met with judgement of the criticizers, just curiosity. This lack of mental judging hasn’t been because I have been focusing on it or anything, my mind just hasn’t been doing it. It was a complete surprise when I realized this.

3:23 PM

Well my no-judgements run didn’t last long. I had stopped in at Wickham Park (where I used to stay when visiting the folks) to see if a friend I knew was still living/camping there. She had always been pretty down on her luck so I figured if I saw her, I’d give her my old travel trailer. She wasn’t, but as soon as I stepped out of my rig, I stepped into a big pile of dog poo. I’m afraid I was a bit judgmental on the unknown dog’s owner.

Stopped in at the nearby Walmart and got a new pair of sandals (the old one’s weren’t worth trying to clean out all those cracks and crevices).

Alright. Off to the folks place.

December 3, 2014

The Boat Ramp

The Boat Ramp

E OF PORT ST JOE, FL #Remember #Soul #Radiance #Emptiness #VanDwelling … and what is left when you leave.

6:57 AM

I awoke to this thought, something very simple, but something I often overlook:

  1. Sometimes something appears to happen TO me.
  2. That same something sometimes appears to happen OUTSIDE of me.
  3. That same something sometimes appears to happen INSIDE of me.

#1 feels personal. It happens when I’m caught in the illusion of me. It often causes emotional pain.

#2 and #3 happen when I’m not lost. They are impersonal. They happen from the Witness perspective (#2) or from the boundary-less Emptiness state (#3). Often they happen at the same time.

When I feel #1, when I feel something is happening to me, I want to remember this. I want to use it as a reminder that the “me” is an illusion—that I’m taking the me-thing too seriously.

8:13 AM

It seems that my practice now is similar to what I teach about living as a Soul, but from the other side of awakening. I’m not sure of the difference yet. It feels different—but I’m not sure exactly what the difference is. Maybe it has something to do with knowing I’m eternal (post-awakening) rather than the pre-awakening practice of convincing myself of it through research and playing with it?

It’s similar to the way Radiance feels different between pre- and post-awakening. Pre-awakening Radiance feels like you are the portal (the ego contraction) and the Light is other. Post-awakening Radiance feels like you are the Light and the portal/ego is other.

8:49 AM

Hmm. I was just proof-reading the above. Post-awakened Soul (eternal) + post awakened Radiance (Love/Light) + Emptiness (Self minus me) = The eternal impersonal Love/Light.

It’s not No-Thing as most of today’s nondualists/nihilists would suggest. It’s No-Self.

To live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light.

That clarifies things. That’s my practice. I need to remember this.

Theories are wonderful and easy. Application, not so much.

2:36 PM

After driving for a bit, I made camp at a boat ramp outside Port St. Joe. I don’t think you’re officially allowed to camp here, but boat ramps are places where vehicles are left unattended all the time (while their owners are out boating), so they make good stealth camping spots as long as your rig looks like it could carry a canoe or kayak on it (ie: a roof rack). Regardless, I’ve never been bothered at one. Hell, I’ve never even seen any BRPPs (boat ramp parking police).

On the live as the eternal impersonal Love/Light: I don’t want readers to think that I intend to try to act this way. No. What I mean is that when you remove the me-me-me-thing as completely as possible, the eternal impersonal Love/Light is what is left. My practice is to self-monitor (when I remember) and when not feeling the Love/Light, to see what mistaken assumption (the me-thing) is blocking it.

I sometimes get comments and emails from readers who say, “We’re already enlightened|awake|no-self|… so there’s nothing you need to do.” I don’t agree with this. This misunderstanding is quite common, so much so that Ken Wilbur came up with a term for it, the Pre/Trans Fallacy. Thinking you’re already enlightened doesn’t mean you experience the enlightened no-boundaries state. For example, an infant may experience “oceanic” oneness but this isn’t the same as unity consciousness since the infant doesn’t know how oneness is different from separation since it hasn’t experience separation yet.

My point is that just because the eternal impersonal Love/Light is really what we all are, it doesn’t mean that this is the way we experience life. We can’t experience ourselves as the eternal impersonal Love/Light when the ego/identity blocks the view.

3:14 PM

The mystery truck just drove by my rig, circled the lot and drove off. Right on time too.

December 1, 2014

Dueling Bikes

Dueling Bikes

PENSACOLA BEACH, FL #VanDwelling #Surrender #MiracleLog … and cutting your hair in public.

8:25 AM

I’m parked in downtown Pensacola, mainly because Google GPS Girl led me astray. It’s a pretty downtown, lots of old architecture. And it’s quiet. I would have thought that this was the start of the business day, but, well, it’s quiet. I like it. Kind of reminds me of parts of downtown Portland, OR on weekend mornings.

This is one of the joys of van dwelling that you just can’t get with a traditional RV or towing any sort of trailer—you can stumble across unexpected places and just park your rig wherever you can park a standard pickup truck.

Stumbling… surrendering to “mistakes.” Bad for the ego, good for the Light. I need to start doing more of it. Fits in well with my current practice.

11:02 AM

I picked up a sub for lunch later, drove out to the national seashore, pulled into a vacant beach lot, and cut off all my hair as is my monthly custom. Moments after finishing up, people started pouring into the lot and I smiled at Her affording me the few moments of privacy that cutting your hair in public seems to deem proper.

5:33 PM

Didn’t do much of anything this afternoon: Hung out on the beach, read a little, played some solitaire, dwelled on my identity. It was nice just to do a whole lot of nothing. Maybe I’ll hang here tomorrow too.

November 28, 2014

COE Camp

COE Camp

COE CAMP, DEMOPOLIS, AL #Radiance #MyLove #VanDwelling

1:17 PM

I would have stayed longer at the Jeff Busby camp but I ran out of propane this morning and it’s too cold at night to be without it, so I moved as soon as I realized the heater wasn’t heating.

Again, while driving, I practiced seeing Her as a living entity—a single life force within everything. When my mind would drift into the me-me-me self concerns (Where will I find propane? Where will I find a camp? …) I would see these thoughts as a single dark living thing (Her unconscious) and I would stop “feeding” it as soon as I realized I was doing just that. The key was to not focus on any details, but just to see that my attention was either on the Light entity (life force) or on the Dark entity (egoic concerns).

Powerful stuff, especially when I pull away the Radiant portal. This might be some kind of turning point.

1:27 PM

I’m “camped” at a Corps of Engineers park. It’s ambiguous if it’s legal to camp here. Online it says “Yes,” but the only physical signage is about the boat ramp and a day-use area—no mention of camping. Still, whenever I find ambiguity, I tend to error on the side of risk/reward rather than caution/fear.

I love COE parks. They are almost always right on the water.

November 27, 2014

Filling The Water Jugs

Filling The Water Jugs

NATCHEZ TRACE, MS #Journaling #VanDwelling #MiracleLog

7:40 AM

I lay in bed listening to the gunfire erupting all around me while debating whether to reply to a critical comment left on the blog disagreeing with what I had said. I opted not to. While I have been reading all the comments on this new blog, I haven’t been replying to any of them for three reasons:

  1. This is a journal, not a teaching blog. WayneWirs.com inadvertently became my teaching blog and in my time remaining I’m planning on writing a book about Mystical Oneness, so I don’t want to get dragged back into interactive teaching mode right now (I’m still continuing to guide Michelle, though she’s developed to the point that any “teachings” are just reminders).
  2. I’m thinking about making short ebooks out of this journal. I like how ebooks feature the ability to highlight entries and to take notes which would allow readers an easy way of summarizing anything they find important in these works. I did this with a book by Meister Eckhart and found it very useful and still refer to it often. Since I’m not planning on including the blog comments in the books, it makes more sense to post any replies I might have in the journal entries themselves.
  3. I don’t want to get dragged back into debating theories. I don’t just think about my theories—I apply them, I practice them, and I live them. Any need I may feel to defend them is just more self-concern (defending my actions), the very thing I’m wanting to surrender. Besides, all the explanations for my theories/actions can be found in:

Oh, the gunfire was due to hunters. Killing innocent, helpless, and defenseless animals is apparently a very popular past time around here. A proximity to hunters is one of the few downsides to forest-based van dwelling (but can largely be avoided if it’s a concern).

9:06 AM

Just got a Thanksgiving text from my brother. Dad’s doing better. His shortness of breath was due to pneumonia, but they seem to have that under control and he should be released from the hospital today or tomorrow. Good news… and I’m grateful. I replied I should be back in Florida in about a week.

3:19 PM

Arrived at Jeff Busby Park, a free campground on the Natchez Trace. I expected it to be full for the long holiday weekend, but I’m the only one here. I was greeted at the entrance by a whole flock of cats, which was coincidental since only an hour ago, after seeing my third (possible) stray dog, I was thinking that I hadn’t seen any stray cats this trip. Sat down with them and a really sweet grey and white one came up to me and let me pet her. Was tempted to take her on the road with me but I’m not ready for such a serious relationship. Filled my water jugs (a task I’ve always oddly enjoyed) and picked a spot for the night. As I was typing this, the mystery truck drove by to confirm my stay, so it looks like I’m golden for the night.

November 25, 2014

A Lego Bridge

A Lego Bridge

OUACHITA NF, AR #MyLove #VanDwelling #Surrender … and archetypes as living things.

10:31 AM

This morning, in a convenience store in Oklahoma, two employees—racists—were discussing the rioting in Ferguson, MO. They were filled with such vileness and hatred. Being white, apparently they expected me to feel the same way they did. Holding my tongue, I left in disgust.

I struggled with my anger during the long, lonely drive, determined to find a way through it… and then I did.

Instead of focusing on the details of the anger—the racists, my conflicting feelings about the rioting, my disenchantment with humanity in general—I focused on the archetype of Anger/Hatred. I saw it as a living force and that I was nurturing this force—feeding it—by focusing on the details (the racists, the riots, the apathy).

Once I saw Anger and Hatred as part of a much vaster archetype—as a living entity—it was much easier to stop feeding it.

As I drove, I looked out at the beauty and nature surrounding me and saw these things as an archetype also—the archetype of Life/Love.

And, while I drove, I chose to feed the Life/Love archetype—Her—instead.

And it was good.

2:48 PM

I drove over 200 miles today—more than I like—while mostly focusing on the Love archetype/living thing mentioned above (though occasionally slipping into ignorance while being tailgated on the winding mountain roads, blotting out all the Beauty I was driving through).

I made camp in a free campground in western Arkansas. I’ve got the place all to myself and the mystery truck has already driven by, so I don’t expect to be disturbed for the rest of the evening. I had hoped to spend the Thanksgiving holiday in this forest (the Ouachita), but Dad was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning having trouble breathing and Mom’s got my brother and I in a holding pattern until she knows more so I may not get my wish.

Surrender is not at all easy.

It’s been one of those clunky days.

3:19 PM

Back to those archetypes mentioned above: It would be easy to think of them as two separate things—the religious might call them Good and Evil, or God and the Devil—but really they are just opposite ends of the same thread (a saying I’m fond of from Seeing Clearly). I’m starting to think of these opposing life forces as the conscious and unconscious sides of TaoGodHer.

The Love (selfless) archetype is God Herself moving through us (consciously), and the Hate (selfish me-me-me) archetype is Ego (God unconscious) moving through us. Kind of fits in with the Perennial philosophy (or maybe it’s Hinduism, I don’t know, this is a diary, not a book) where the story goes that God, bored out of His mind all by his lonesome self, created the Universe and everything in it and then made Himself forget that He was all the separate things also (conscious = unity, unconscious = separation).

Fits in with the Genesis story that Man has free will and God’s not going to mess with it (Man’s ego = God’s unconscious).

I’m in 100% agreement with both stories—I like the way it all fits together so nicely.

The less there is of me-me-me (God unconscious), the more there is of Her (God conscious).