When I Try, I Fail

De Soto Falls (Revisited?)

De Soto Falls (Revisited?)

TN-AL BORDER — #VanDwelling #Surrender

April 1, 2015 3:39 PM

Why am I looking for water? I don’t need any. I’ve got a good 8-9 gallons left. And yet it’s on my mind: Fill my water containers. Does this gas station have water? Does this park?

Of course, in my quest to find drinking water, everywhere I looked I failed. I was trying to find drinking water, so of course I couldn’t actually find any.

I’ve got a third jerry can filled and stored under the bed, I’m just too lazy to pull it out. It’s easier to fill the two that I keep by the back doors than to dig out that one…

Damn it, now I have to go dig out that one because I’m thinking the same thing you’re thinking: That the third jug is empty.

In Resurrecting Jesus, Adyashanti mentions how, after the spiritual seeker wakes up, they are often confronted with a series of trials—trials they will fail if they continue to act from their old self—their personal self—rather than from their newly awakened “Eternal-I” Self.

I don’t think the Trials ever go away. Fear sucks and is stupid and is no way to go about living life—and the Trials act as an excellent reminder of this. You try… you fail.

Water will appear when I need it. It always does.

Same with camps—with finding a place to sleep. Even though I still put more thought into the “Where will I sleep tonight?” question than I’d like, I’ve always found a place to sleep. Take today for instance…

After lunch, I said my goodbye’s to Doug and Dakota, hopped in the van and headed northward. Not finding water in two places that my mind was sure would have water, I said, “Screw it, maybe they don’t have free drinking water in Alabama,” and took that as a sign to head to Tennessee. Which I did.

And along the way, right near the road, I found this pleasant little open spot in the woods without even trying.

When I try, I fail.

Eventually, me-of-little-faith, I’ll learn that lesson.

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3 thoughts on “When I Try, I Fail

  1. Yup
    Kinda sucks being stuck in the cycle of stuff we know and just keep re- maybe it’s reinforcing?

    And we will get whatever we need even if we don’t recognize what we need yet!

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